The silence

Chapter 2

                         1 month later
        
            My eyes flutter open. I yawn and stretch my arms as I slide the snug blanket off of my half naked body. I look at the time and its 8pm. I would say a record for me. Thats the latest I have ever slept in. I move my body to the side of the bed and put my feet on the soft grey rug. My body aches as I stand up. I shuffle along to my bathroom and turn on the light. The white light blinds my eyes and I cover my eyes slightly with my arm. I look in the mirror. I stare at my body for a couple seconds and notice I'm getting skinner. I haven't been eating anything in awhile and I have stayed in bed for what seemed like days. My eyes still were puffy, I rub them causing them to turn a deeper pink.
             I need to actually do something today. I can't just hide away all day. I need to at least try to keep living my life. The motivation came from nowhere but I listened to myself this time. I walk over to my walk in closet. I run my hand down all of my clothes looking at them as the material runs between my fingers. I stare at a simple black dress that flows just above the knees. I slide it off the hanger and slip it onto my body. It had long lace sleeves that started a little passed the start of my shoulders. I looked in the mirror the dress hugged my curves just right and it wasn't too form fitting. I want to go somewhere today, I don't know where. I don't really have any money.
           I quit my job a couple weeks ago working at a dumb coffee shop it was just not for me. I want a job I can actually enjoy and not just waste my life away doing something I never liked. I've always wanted to be a professional painter but my dad never thought it would get me any money. I do paint every now and then though. Its not the best paying job but I just love the feeling of the brush swiping across the canvas and it making delicate swoops and curves. I liked creating faces and sometimes just anything on my mind.Sometimes I don't think at all and it just comes out on the canvas. I just loved how the image in my head can actually come to life on the canvas.
          I glanced at myself one more time in the mirror and then put on my make up. I decided to go with winged eyeliner and some red lipstick. I wasn't that confident of a person but I actually look decent for once.
I really thought to myself I have really nothing to lose anymore I've already lost everything. I pull  my shiny curly brown hair to the front of my shoulders and looked at myself again. I'm not the prettiest girl. I have more hips and I have decently sized lips. I have hazel eyes that are perfectly almond shaped.
I grabbed my purse and called an Uber. by now it was around 10pm and I decided to go to a club. The blue and red lights are almost blinding as they danced everywhere. I headed straight to the bar. I sat at the stool and I drink, drink after drink. Until I'm very dizzy and I keep pouring more and more of that tempting liquid into my body. Its one way to forget all my emotions and to make it feel like I'm actually okay. I said I wanted to go out today I should've known I'd just be doing this again.
I get up off the stool quick because I have the urge to puke. I run to the bathroom not knowing where I'm going I push into the door and go straight to a stall. The burning liquid comes up through my body feeling like hot lava coming out of my throat. I hear the door open. Someone walks in.
"I believe you are in the wrong bathroom" the mysterious man says with a smirk.
"Oh my bad I didn't know that there was a specific bathroom for me to puke in" I say with a little attitude to my slurred words. With my face a little red from me being in the mens room.
"Well I can see you are a little drunk there" he says. Leaning against the sink.
"That or pregnant" I say jokingly but kinda doesn't seem that funny to me. But he smirks and laughs a little. He is pretty tall even with me having heels on he is taller than me and I'm 5'6 without my heels. He has brown hair that goes up and then hangs to one side it looks almost flawless some how. He has dark chocolate brown eyes that glimmer a little in the light. He has a little attitude to him. I mean what am I saying I do too.
"Lets hope not with how much you've been drinking" he says. I feel the urge to puke again. He sees it in my eyes that I'm about to puke again. He runs to my side and pulls my long brown hair back as more of my body's fluids empty into the toilet.
"Well, this was a great way of meeting you" I laugh as I wipe my mouth. He chuckles and nods.
"You are going to have a really bad hangover in the morning" he said like I have never been drunk before.
"Its not my first time drinking" I say sarcastically. He laughs again. Which his laugh is kinda cute. What am I talking about, I need to stop. I should probably get out of here before any other people come in. "I should probably leave" I say kinda hesitant because I don't really know if I actually want to. He is actually kinda cute. I need to stop I haven't fallen for someone in awhile. Once he actually gets to know me he won't want to stay. I came back to the realization he really isn't going to like me anyway and I just met him and it just isn't realistic.
           "How about we get out of here" he says with a little smile. My face went down a little bit. I really thought he would be different. Then I just start hating myself for even thinking that. I really got my hopes up for this guy.
"Oh, sorry that came out kinda wrong, I meant like go get something to eat or drink, something that isn't alcohol cause you've definitely had enough of that" he chuckles. I start regaining my hope for him. "Maybe somewhere thats not the mens' bathroom" he laughed. I smiled a bit.
           I took his hand for him to lead me out of the club, even though I pretty much just drank the whole entire time there. He opened the door for me and walked me to his car. I stared inside of his car. Suddenly I was not so sure I was having flash backs and it formed that feeling in my stomach and I just felt like bawling right there but I kept myself content about it even though I was really not on the inside. My stomach began to turn and I had the urge to throw up again.
          "You know what I should probably head home I have to get up early" I lied. I felt kinda bad but I felt he was to good to be true and I wasn't about to break down crying in front of him too.
          "Oh, well at least let me give you a ride home" he said with a little disappointment in his voice. He is already too perfect for my broken self.
          "really its fine I'll just take a Uber " I say reassuring him. His somber gaze met mine and I kind of felt bad but in my mind it was the thing I should do.
          "Ok, well I'll see you around" his lips trying to form a light smile. I'm glad I didn't break down yet. I'm still on edge. He gets in his car and starts it, and the car engine roars almost like its trying to speak to me and tell me "you've made a mistake". He backs out and drives off into the distance.
           I get an Uber and in the back of the car my thoughts consume my brain. I should of went with him or at least gave him my number. I remembered I didn't even tell him my name how stupid of me. I'm angry at myself for missing an opportunity to actually fix myself. To actually have feelings again and not just be numb and empty all the time. There are two sides of my head that are just battling each other. My other side just thinks he's the same as all of them just assholes just wanting to get in girls pants and just mess with them.
I had a boyfriend before. I've loved before. So deeply loved, but he ended up cheating on me with another girl(which she was way more attractive then me so I see why). The things that happen to me I wish I could control them but I'm just always the unlucky one as you can tell.
I take a deep breath and calm my nerves as I was shaking so much. I tried to clear my mind to calm myself down. I was almost home. I stared out the window seeing all the trees and cars pass by me. I was looking until I noticed a deer on the side of the street.
I'm kinda like that deer afraid of everything, running from every noise because there are so many predators out there especially humans, ones who can hunt you. Ones who can hurt you. You live your life with fear and anxiety. They are just very hesitant creatures.
I come back to reality as the taxi pulls up to my driveway and I get out and drag my feet into my house. I'm so tired. I get inside set all my stuff down and jump in bed and I just doze off...
Soft lips brush against mine. I open my eyes to see him the guy from the club his eyes were staring straight into mine. I feel myself get warmer and I blush a little. He just looks so perfect he leans and kisses my lips and pushes his body against mine and wraps his arms around me. I could be there forever. I don't even care how he got in my room I just don't want him to leave me. A buzzing comes out of nowhere.
I open my eyes to my disappointment it was just a dream. I look at my phone someone was calling me. Surprising. No one calls me I have no friends and my family don't talk to me anymore. I've just lost all contact with everyone. I'm just alone really. I stare down at the name on the screen. I swallow hard. It read...
       Dad.