The silence

Chapter 1

**Warning sensitive topics**

I sit at the bar rotating my glass around and tilting it side to side so the ice clinks against the glass. The cool glass numbs my hand. I dump the rest of the strong brown liquid down into my throat. I turn back to the bartender and ask for another drink. He slides the small sparkling glass to me. I look down at the liquid. Is this what my life has come to, drinking away at bars.
I sip my drink. It disappears into my cold body. I slouch on the slightly hard bar stool, resting my elbows on the cool table. My life has gone to shit. No motivation, No friends, and especially no boyfriend. I was alone. I always thought if I just kept drinking away maybe it would fill that small void missing within me. Maybe every drink I would be building myself up, but not to my knowledge all it did was rip myself apart. I finish my glass and set it down on the table. I lifted myself off the bar stool and dizzily headed for the door swaying every few steps. A guy who was sitting in the back of the room slowly paced over here stopping me from leaving cause obviously I was drunk and wouldn't make it that far.
"Can I give you a ride home darlin?" He said with a slightly southern accent. I shook my head no. But he insisted so I just nodded my head because if I even tried to speak it would just be gibberish.
His hand slid around my waist and he guided me outside. I felt slightly uncomfortable with him because he left some bad vibes within me, but I decided to ignore them half because I was drunk and couldn't figure anything out. He slid me into the passenger seat of his car as he hopped into the driver seat. He winked at me and smirked when our eyes met and it slightly made me shiver. Maybe thats just because I was freezing. He looked like he was in his late 30's. And has some grays strands in his dark black hair. He had a very sharp appearing facial features giving him almost villain like physique.
I told him my destination, my house. He started the car with a loud purr and drove until he stopped in-front of my vine covered, paint chipping house with two rose bushes in the front.
"Wait" he demanded before I could even put my cold hand on the door handle. I turned my head slightly towards him with a little chill going down my back. "Your purse, darlin" he said. He went back with me and opened the door. He shoved me inside then got on top of me pinning me down and slammed the door shut and locked them.
"Now, how rude it would be giving you a ride home without a little payment. You know I couldn't stop staring at you at the bar I just had to get my hands on you and your body. I couldn't just let you leave without having you first could I?" He said with a minister voice. Holding my face in front of his.
The words that came out of his mouth made me realize what he was going to do and it just made me want to throw up. I was so nauseous. I was extremely intoxicated but tried my best to say something.
"Get off me" I slur as I struggle against his grip, but I am no where as strong as him and he pinned me down sliding my short dress up. His fingers glided across my thighs and I squirmed under his touch it made me sick. I screamed loud but he covered my mouth with his hand and my screams just came out as mumbles. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. The pain was
excruciating and all I could do was lay there, I had no use of any of my limbs. I couldn't make this torture stop. Tears began stinging my eyes and I just cried. The tears just kept rolling down the sides of my face as I kept mumbling under his hand. All my dignity and all my security was gone.
"I hope to see you again" he hisses.He finally gets off me and unlocks the door. I quickly reach for the handle as quickly as possible and tumble out of the door.I slam the door shut and he speeds off into the distance. Right there I fall on the ground on the freezing concrete. I shiver as the cool fall breeze hits my skin. The moon light shines against me making me glow in the night. Tears started to flood my eyes and making my vision cloudy. I let the tears slide down my rosy cheek and I started bawling my eyes out. I was ready to end it. End all of this.
          I live in my small house alone with no one else. I pick myself off of the concrete and it still chills my body to the touch of it. I wobble to my feet. And remember I'm still wearing my burgundy high heels. I pace to my door touching the numbing handle. I turn it slowly and I slightly wobble and try to regain my balance. I pull it open and walk into my pitch black house. I slide off my heels and let my feet touch the frigid hardwood floor. I sluggishly shuffle to my bedroom. I take off my small dress and stare into the mirror and I see the marks he left on my arms from holding me down. I was numb when I saw them and I just stared and stared at them until finally my emotions finally caught up with what was happening. I cried until my eyes were blood shot and were in pain. I got ahold of myself and slipped over a t-shirt that was my dad's. I took a makeup wipe from my bathroom and started to wipe away the black streaks that ran down the entirety of my face.
           I climbed onto my bed pulling the warm covers over my freezing body. And that night with all my emotions starting to come in through my body I cried myself to sleep.

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3 weeks later

My life will never be the same. I will never stop thinking about the moment I was raped. I sobbed all night and day. Every day I had red puffy eyes that consumed my face. What has come of this world. What has become of me. I will never find anyone to love my broken self. And if I do it I would never be the happy self I once knew years and years ago and it will never be a big happily ever after.
            I kept my whole life a secret. Anyone who "knew" me only knew my everyday life where I fake a smile and pretend my whole life. People don't look twice. When you really see someone walk on the street you go on and immediately make assumptions about everyone. But you have no idea who is going through what. These assumptions go for everyone. We like to think that we know who these people are . Well we don't.
          I kept quiet because of the humiliation. People would treat me like I was a victim for my whole life and it was just so embarrassing. Always asking me if I was okay. Always reminding me of that moment. I just didn't want to think about it anymore even though it was burned deeply into my mind. I don't even know the guy's name. And he knows where I live and even said he hoped to see me again which is the scariest part.
I think some people overlook things like this. The trauma that happens to that person.
The years they have to live with the haunting memory always reminding them they will never be safe. They will never be the person they used to.