The silence

Chapter 3

The last time I talked to my dad was 6 years ago. I'm 26 now. He wanted me to be his perfect daughter and be a lawyer just like he was. He wanted to carry his name in his company, but I wanted to be an artist. My dad just thought I was being childish and told me to grow up. I kept telling him that that was what I wanted to do with my life what I wanted to pour all my passion into art not being some lawyer. I was never really interested in being a lawyer.
        The day I left and never came back was when he got so mad he hit my water cup for my paint brushes and my paint over. Which my sketch book and a lot of my prized art work have been laying there and it was ruined. I worked so hard on those pieces every brush stroke and pencil line came from my heart. I spent hours working on them. That was my last thread he drove me over the edge and I just slapped him and packed up my stuff really quick and left. He didn't say anything when I left just stared at me. I got the rest of my stuff when he wasn't home.
      Ever since my mom died he was never the same happy self he used to be. More like a bull and any wrong movement you made he would come charging at you.
   She died when I was 16 from a car accident. Its been 10 years since and I've never had a day I didn't miss her. She was always the bright light for me now I have just darkness. I now just have a hole in my heart.
She had beautiful olive colored skin that was so smooth and so soft there wasn't a single flaw on her perfect skin. She had shiny hazel eyes with hundreds of different colors which I inherited from her but mine were never quite as beautiful and colorful as her gorgeous eyes. They kinda reminded me of art in its own way which just made me more memorized by their beauty. She had the same curly brown hair as me too. And the smile she gave me was so bright it could light the night sky.
      Dad was so in love with her I could see it in his eyes when he looked at her. But now his eyes just look dull and hollow. I understand his pain but he only ever took it out on me. He didn't really realize that I am hurting too.
       He left a voicemail. I hesitated to play it what would he say especially after all these years. But finally after debating I just played it.
       "Hey, its dad I'm guessing you could figure that out by now. I know you are mad at me you have the right to. After mom died I just never was the father I should have been to you. I never was there for you when you were in pain and needed someone in your life to take it away. I know you wanted me to just make it all feel better. I just want you to know that i'm better now and I really want to try again. Please just give me another chance I beg you I won't disappoint you. I want to be the father you always wanted "he sniffled a little and sighed."I want you to know that I love you still I never stopped loving you and you will always be my little girl. I wanted to also tell you that I'm getting married to a wonderful woman who really helped me out and made me realize the big mistake I was making. I know you don't know her but I hope if you forgive me that you will get to know her and see just how amazing she is. I really hope you can make it to the wedding. I love you don't forget that." Then it went silent. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I started to sob.
        Does he actually mean it or could it be a disaster again like it did before and just put me in more pain. I could not handle it again I've already been through a lot. Could I take the chance? I didn't know if I could believe him but I heard the hurt in his voice and he seemed like he was crying. Tears kept running down my face soaking the shirt that had once belonged to him. Could I actually have the father I always wanted in my life?
       I chose to not think about it right now and decided to go on with my day. I grabbed my mail out of my mailbox and sorted through it.
I found my dad's wedding invitation in the mix of it. I didn't know if I wanted to go its not like I had anyone to go with anyway. The invitation made me think about what my dad said if I liked it or not. The wedding was about 5 months from now in April. I want to bring someone cause if I was going to have a relationship with my dad again I want to make him at least think that I wasn't doing absolutely nothing with my life.
Its weird to think about a girl I've never met or even seen before is just coming into my life and is going to be marrying my dad. As long as he is happy I guess. I doubt she will ever be like a mom to me though. She won't compare to the mom I had. I think my dad knows that too.
I know he needs to move on and all but I can't help thinking what mom would be thinking right now. My dad getting married and about how I haven't talked to him in 6 years. I want to try if not for me for her.