Love Always | ✓

we are thirteen

▪️▪️we are thirteen ▪️▪️

Virat,

Nights like these, I think dying is the best option left; this way, I won't feel anything anymore... and hopefully, I will meet dad if Heaven exists and God lets me in.

I'm so tired of these wham, wham, boo! moments of my life, that I surrender and finally give up. It's that time if the year.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Vi. I think my life's crumbling and I can't do anything about it. I know you're listening me cry for hours as you're banging the door constantly.

But I've a razor in my hand and there's blood everywhere.

I didn't cut myself.

I was just romanticizing the blade. And it's a one time thing.

Heck, I know this is wrong. But the wires around me are coiled so tightly, I can't breathe. It's like all the light has stopped emanating in my life.

I know I'm trying to kill myself which is so wrong but I think it's for the better. I'm sure you would do better with me, that this world would do better without a selfish person like me.

I don't give a fuck about what people think - if they call me coward because it takes courage to die as much as it takes to live. Can they heal my heart? Can they make me forget? Can they make me numb? Can they make me sane?

No, Virat.

No one can. I understand the pain I'm going through right now. How it feels to be... loveless, sleepless, fatherless.

Everyone is selfish.

I know you're selfish too. You'll also think whatever I'm doing is plainly stupid. But I love dad; and I miss him so much that I want him beside me at any cost. There's this sinking feeling in my stomach, conflicts in my head about my love and loss.

Please pray for me. Pray that I reach Heaven and I meet me dad there and -