Wings of Freedom

Worth the cost?

Six minutes after the sun raise Rox went inside to start making breakfast. I chose to stay outside, I saw no reason to go in. I was afraid that Mr. Jag would send me back to the shop. If he did send me back I wasn't sure that I would make it through the night.                                                                         

I allowed all sense of time to disappear. I wasn't sure what my life was going to be like anymore and I wasn't even sure I even cared anymore. I felt like my life was slipping away from me and I didn't care.

"Rox told me I might find you here. I read the note you had Rox give me. You are correct that there is nothing you can say that will ease my hurt, however I refuse to send you back. I read the other letter you left on my desk. I would like you to join me for lunch and talk about your letter," said Mr. Jag

I wasn't sure what to expect yet I felt as whatever he was about to talk to me about might be better off in a crowd place so than I would be able to make my quick escape from him and everything he stood far. 

"If I may ask where are we going to lunch?" I asked

"It's a special place I have in mind. Shall we go? ask Mr. Jag

I could tell that my fear had taken root in the pit of my stomach and I was now unsure what I had actually gotten myself into. I had a feeling that I was not going to be able to back out. All I could do was hope for the best. I got up and followed Mr. Jag to a car that would take us to lunch or my doom.

A good two hours later the car came to a stop. Mr. Jag got out and walked to the trunk to grab something. I very slowly followed and saw we were near a vast valley that looked to be in the middle of nowhere. I had not even realized that Mr. Jag had came to stand next to me until I heard the car pull away. That was when I saw that Mr. Jag was next to me taking in the landscape all around me. I had a gut feeling that this was the end of the line for me. 

I saw Mr. Jag  start to walk farther into the valley and figured that it made sense to get rid of a body further away from the road. After twenty minutes Mr. Jag came to a stop and started to spread out a picnic blanket. 

"Well Wynter are you going to join me for lunch? Or just stand there ready to run," Mr. Jag said softly

It took two minutes before I finally took a seat next to him. I was still uneasy simply because I wasn't sure what Mr. Jag truly had planned for us. We did nothing at first besides enjoy the picnic lunch. I figured that I would wait home out in hopes that Mr. Jag would allow me to live to see another day.

"I want you to know Wynter that the help you are asking for is not truly something I am able to hand over to you like one would do with cash. It's more toward working through the horrors you have been through. Refusing to allow it to keep a hold on you. Please do not take this the wrong way since I am willing to help you," said Mr. Jag

I ended up sitting there wondering what I was going to do. I felt that he ended up giving me a lot to think upon. I wasn't even sure where I should even start to process everything. I hadn't even realized that I was so deep in thought until I felt Mr. Jag's hand on my shoulder. I jumped a mile in the air. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You were slowly walking away. I pick up very quickly in order to catch up with you. If you like we can head back," said Mr. Jag

"Yes, I would like to go back now. I feel that you have many things you need to do. You have also given me a lot to think about which I need to process through," I said

After that we both walk back to were we had been dropped off. It seemed to take hours to get back to the mansion. Even though it was about the same amount to get there. I had a feeling that it felt longer because I had a lot on my mind, since Mr. Jag had to place a hand on my shoulder to let me know that we were back. 

I jumped out of the car and ran inside simply to get to a place that I could be alone and process everything. I refused to stop running until I was safe behind close doors. Once I felt that I was safe I allowed my tears to roll down my face without any end in sight. 

I felt that Mr. Jag had dug parts of my humanity back to me. I still wasn't sure if I could trust him nevertheless he did give me a lot to think upon.

I stay sitting against the door allowing myself to process through everything. I wasn't sure what I should do next, I seemed to have even more questions going through my head. I wasn't sure how that could be even possible. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I barely noticed a soft knock on the door. 

I moved away from there just enough to open it to see who it was and what they need. I was a bit surprised to see Rox on the other side of the door. 

"What's up Rox," I said

"I am running into town to do some shopping. I was hoping you would come with me? If you don't want to come is there anything that I could get for you?" asked Rox

"Ummm...right now I would simply like to be alone. If you would be willing could you pick up some printer paper, sharpener,and pencils. Maybe a binder and proctor sheets if you think of it," I said

"Sure, I will drop them off at your door when I get back. Please give Mr. Jag a chance," whispered Rox

I watched as she walked down the hallway and disappeared from sight. I quickly re closed the door and allowed the darkness of my room (for now) to encompass me. I found it strange that I felt the safest in the dark almost like I belonged there. 

I lost track of time sitting in the dark. Rox had knock on the door twice. Once to let me know she was back with the items. I had asked for and let me know that when I was running low on any of the supplies to let her know. The second time was to tell me it was dinner and Mr. Jag was wondering if I would join.

A little time after Rox left the second time a third knock came and I simply refused to answer the door. I simply want to be left alone. I finally moved away from the door long enough to turn on the light to be able to start drawing.

At first the drawing were happy things that would brighten up anyone's day. Then suddenly they took a turn to the dark side of things. I started to draw up what my perfect bed room would look like if I was ever able to have my own way.

It was most likely early dawn when I choice to crawl into bed to get a few hours of sleep before I truly started the day. I just hoped that sleep would come quickly and sweep me under.