Shadow Of Akihito (boy x boy) COMPLETED

Still Nothing

A/N: Another chapter, my lovely cookies! I hope you're enjoying it so far! I really do enjoy writing these for you all! For those of you who sit through my crap stories, though I'm sure that's not many, thank you so much! By the way, Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you had a lovely holiday! Posting this now because I'm trash, lol. Anyway, enjoy!

Sweat's running down my face and my breathing is erratic. My arms tremble as I try to hold the sword up. I can't give up, but my body's nearly at its limit. My legs feel like jello, I'm surprised they're still able to hold me up. Sensei isn't looking much better at this point.

He grunts. "Still no progress. Damn, I was hoping..." he mutters. He shakes his head. "We're done for today. You can go rest now."

I clench my fists angrily. Damn it! I think furiously. I'm still a disgrace! Why can't I do anything right?! Why do I have to be so weak and useless?! I'm trying my hardest and it's still not enough. I'm still nothing, nobody. Sensei leaves the room, not giving me another glance. Will he ever look at me with anything other than pity? Will I ever be worth anything? I just want to be able to save kids from what I went through? Is that too much to ask? 

As I stand there, looking for an answer from some higher power, I guess it is. I guess happiness isn't written in my scroll of destiny. Maybe I should forever be a failure, just another nobody wishing for something more. I sigh heavily before turning and going in the direction of my dorm. I don't feel like dealing with anyone right now. Though, naturally, Genjiro and his asshole friends are waiting for me. Don't they have anything better to do with their time?

"Hey, disgrace, over here," Genjiro calls. I simply ignore him and head for the stairs. However, his arm blocks my path. "Where d'ya think you're going?!"

"To sleep. I don't feel like doing this right now."

He whips me around, snarl on his face. "I don't care what you feel like doing. I've got a bone to pick with you. No one's gonna interrupt us this time."

"I'm gonna take a rain check," I reply sassily. 

"What did'ya say to me?! Do you have a death wish?!"

"You don't have the balls to kill me, Genjiro. You're just a wimp." His fist flies at my face. I dodge to the side and his knuckles slam into the wall. He yanks his hand back, whimpering. "You're just a puppy. All bark and no bite."

"You son of a...!" He charges me. Before any of us can register it, Genjiro's on the ground. A figure's holding his arm backwards, near the breaking point.

"What do you think you're doing, Genjiro?" Sensei says calmly. "I see you doing this again and I'm asking questions second, got it?"

"Y-yes, sir!"

"Good. Now get out of here," he adds, letting Genjiro's arm go. Genjiro quickly makes himself scarce. 

"Sensei," I greet.

He turns to me, an unreadable look in his eye. "Why do you let them do this to you?"

"Why not?" I say, voice dead. "They're right."

"No, they're not! And don't let me hear you say that again! You're worth more than you think! If only Yoji would tell you about your past. Then you'd understand."

"M-my past?" I wonder.

"Next time you see him, maybe you should ask questions. You're too quiet for your own good. Learn to use your voice, Akihito. It's your most powerful weapon." He spins away to leave.

"Sensei?" He half-turns back. "Do you really believe that? After seeing me during training?"

"Absolutely," he responds without hesitation. "If Yoji does tell you the truth, you'll believe it, too. Now, get some rest. You've been overworking yourself lately." Then, he's gone. Why do all these people believe in me? I haven't done anything at all to earn it. And they've all seen what I can do, which is nothing. What do they know about me that I don't? What do they see that I'm blind to?

I shake my head. It doesn't matter. I'll believe it, too, if I see it with my own eyes. I'm nothing more than nothing, a waste of space and air. They're wasting their time on somebody like me. I just wish I could give up. But it's just not in me. Even when there's no hope, I have no choice but to keep going. Not for the last time, I wonder why I'm even here. And why did Sensei say that my past would explain everything? I don't remember much, I was too young. I remember her face still, my mom. I get my long, straight, black hair from her. 

I remember her eyes, too, since they were wide with fear. They were a bright blue, like the sky on a beautiful day. I remember him less, my dad. His hair was brown, when not spotted with blood. His eyes were a golden color. As I stare in the mirror after taking a shower, I wonder where my eyes come from. Hers were blue and his were brown. Where did this bright red come from? How is it even possible to have this color. It's just another reason I get bullied. It's not natural. 

I exhale heavily, glancing away from my reflection. Even I can't stand to look at myself. How can I expect anyone else to? I flop face first onto my bed. I turn my head to the right and, on my nightstand, I study the picture in a nice wooden frame. The edges have roses carved into them. Inside the frame is a picture of my grinning parents holding me as an infant. I can't even remember their voices or what their smiles looked like. I don't remember what they were like. Were they kind, exuberant, quiet? In the picture, they look happy, but did they ever regret having me? And what about that day can help me believe in myself? Why didn't Yoji tell me? I start to drift.

I can hear a voice in my head, one I've never heard before. "Don't you give up on us. I'm here, you just need to find me. Open your eyes and see. All you need to do is find the key and unlock me. I can help you get the revenge you so desperately need. Open your eyes, Akihito, and look at me."

My eyes snap open, my body jerking to a sitting position. My heart is racing and I press a hand over it. What was that voice? He sounded...so familiar. I feel something pushing at me, begging me to find him. But why? Why do I need to find him? How can I unlock him; where's the key? How do I see him? I'm not sure why, but I find myself trusting his words. He can help me. I just need to free him. Determination lights a fire in my very soul. I WILL find the key and unlock his cage. 

I glance idly at the clock on my nightstand. It's still early in the morning, the sun hasn't even begun to rise. I guess I'll go back to sleep. I don't feel tired anymore, but I'll need as much energy as possible tomorrow. I have a goal and I'll need everything I've got to accomplish it. I don't have much hope that I'll actually reach it, but I'll keep trying anyway. This is something I have to do if I have any chance of believing in myself.