Vic's pov:
After Kellin and I's arguement and discussion my mind kept telling me I was shit, I made him worry and cry, I was a worthless piece of shit and I didn't deserve to be here. I knew if I wanted these voices to stop I had to do one thing.
"You coming to bed?" Kellin asked
I thought of the only excuse possible to hold off.
""Yeah, I'm going to get a shower first." I knew he would be skeptical because I always showered in the morning but I had to make him believe me. He asked a few more questions until he gave up. Finally, I can get these voices to stop. I went in the bathroom, stripped down and turned the water on. I stood there for a while just letting the water hit my body and then I reached over for my long time friend on the back of the mirror. I studied it for a few seconds, remembering all of the pain I had before and all of the relief it brought me. So, I placed it on my shoulder and started running it across my skin. After one giant cut was done, I repeated it over and over until I had 4 fresh cuts. Then I placed the blade on my arms, being careful to place the back a little further so I could pull off wearing a long sleeved shirt and pull the sleeves back so I could play guitar. I kept cutting and feeling the relief on both arms. The voices didn't cease though so I looked at my abs and closed my eyes and started to take the pain away. When I was finally brought back to reality, I had 10 decent sized cuts on my stomach. Shit, I can't let Kellin see these. I placed my friend in its proper hiding spot and rinsed the blood off of my body. I then stopped the water, wrapped my cuts on my body, and russled around to get dressed. I put on a pair of shorts over my boxers and a sweatshirt to hide my cuts from everyone. I knew I would probably die tonight from being too hot but I didn't care. I made my way to the front of the bus for water that I could drink if I got too hot and made my way to Kellin.
The rest of the night was a blur, all I remember was waking up to Kellin on top of Me and our lips still being attatched. I had to move him somehow without giving away that he is hurting me. I slowly rolled him off of me, being careful to not wake him but he woke up anyways.
"What, what are you doing?" He asked sleepily
""Its morning and I have to go to the bathroom Kells."
""Oh, okay. I'll get dressed then" he said rolling over to hug me.
I knew I couldn't hug him right now so I gave him a kiss on the lips and got up quickly to go to the bathroom. Saying I had to go to the bathroom wasn't a complete lie, I did need to come in here to check my cuts. When I went in I took my sweatshirt off and saw the bandages were soaked with blood, so I took them all off and wrapped them again, being careful to hide the bandages at the bottom of the trash can so no one will notice them. Once I was done, my head started spinning and I had to sit down quickly before I fainted. I sat there holding my head for a few minutes before I slowly made my way to the couch, put my sweatshirt back on, and drank a bottle of water and ate some cereal. Kellin sleepily made his way out and collapsed onto the couch by me.
"I'm so damn tired Vicky!" He said smiling at me
"I'm sorry, but it is 11 kells so we should be up and getting ready for the concert" I said smiling at his cuteness. I gave him a peck on the lips and made my way to change clothes. I grabbed a pair of skinnies, a maroon and gray key street hoodie, and my vans. Once I was changed I made my way out to Kellin who was coming out of the bathroom. I knew I couldn't hide my cuts forever, but the longer I keep the secret, the better.
We made our way to the stage, today was the last day and it was going to be a killer for ptv. We played 4 shows today with barely a break in between. Sleeping with Sirens only played 1 and Kellin was with us for king for a day so today was a packed day. We got our mic's on and headed on stage for our first show. My head hurt but I figured it was just a headache, so I suffered through it. We had a good set list, we did fast times at clairmont high, caraphernelia, and disasterology. It was simple and full of my favorite songs to play. As we played show after show I started to feel worse and worse. Mike and matty took notice and pulled me aside.
"You okay, Vic? You look like a ghost!" Matty said, sounding extremely concerned.
"Yeah little bro, this doesn't look good." Mike said with a face I knew all too well. He gave me this face when he was on to me cutting.
"I'm fine, I just have a headache"
" Headache my ass, come here." Mike exclaimed while dragging me to the bathroom while matty followed.
When we got in there matty made sure it was empty and stood by the door to make sure no one entered. Mike grabbed my sweatshirt and lifted it off slowly. Revealing everything.
"Holy shit Vic.." matty gasped.
"Why Vic.. You are losing so much blood, no wonder why you look like this. Why did you even do this?" He said holding back tears.
"I don't want to talk about it right now, can we talk after the last show?"
"Yeah. I guess, if you promise to tell us right after." Mike said and matty shook his head.
"I promise, but please don't tell Kellin or anyone else besides Jaime and Tony about any of this. He is a friend but I don't want everyone knowing everything about me"
"Sure, we understand Vicky" matty said and Mike shook his head agreeing.
We made our way to our last show where Kellin would join us. I wasn't looking forward to seeing him but the show must go on, right? I went up the stairs backstage and stayed away from Kellin. Mike and matty stayed right by me to make sure he didn't see me. We walked out and I started us off with besitos, then I went to chemical kids and mechanical brides, then to stay away from my friends, and lastly king for a day. Kellin looked worried all through king for a day. When I screamed my parts, it took everything I had to stay on my feet. When it was over Mike ran to me and carried me off stage before I fell. He ran to our bus with matty following close behind. Mike had sat me on the couch and went for a paramedic.
"I hope you know that I'm always here for you Vic. Even if it means keeping secrets from everyone. I'de rather hide things than see you like this, okay?" Matty said as he sat by me and gave me a hug.
"Thank matty, your like a brother to me and it means a lot to know you truly care."
Mike came through the door and for the next hour I poured my heart out to him about the voices in my head and how no matter what I did they would never leave( of course I left out all of the stuff about Kellin). When I was finally done, Mike looked so sad and matty looked extremely concerned. They gave me a hug and made me promise to stop. So I promised, not knowing whether I could keep it or not. I hated that this is how Warped Tour was ending but I couldn't control any of this. I'm just glad I have Mike and matty there for me.
The paramedic came and I needed stitches on almost all of my cuts. He cleaned them and stitched me up, wrapped them and told me to take it easy for a day or so. When the paramedic went to leave Kellin came walking in, I put my sweatshirt back on quickly so he wouldn't notice my bandages. He gave the paramedic a puzzling look and then looked at matty, mike, and I with a confused expression covering his face.
"Uhmmm, what's going on guys?" Kellin asked, staring at the 3 of us for answers that we didn't know how to give.
