Waking

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I can't pretend anymore

"She doesn't want me"

The thought melts me
My chest screams
Just wanting to dream
To see her face
But it's gone
All that's left is to drown
To suffocate in the words

I can't sleep
I just think
Always think
Of the eyes that looked at me
The eyes of unmistakable love
Of the arms that made me feel so warm

I can't pretend I deserve her
I can't pretend she'll change her mind
But maybe...
*sigh*

I know it's gone
I killed the flame
I once lit so joyfully
I know it won't come back

I can't pretend it'll happen
But it makes me understand
That I push everything
EVERYTHING
All away

And that's why I need help
I have to find peace
Release my selfishness
My anger
My pride
I will change
I refuse to hurt anyone else
I refuse to let myself 

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