Love, Aspen

Foolish Mistakes

I thought the conversation over and over again in my head. What I needed to say, I had to target him directly. He needed to see how much I needed to move, to leave this place. Costa Rica was great, but how was i ever going to advance in school and life? I could not stay here, and be suppressed from all of  the opportunities that I could have. I was in eighth grade, this was the perfect time to go. 

"Aspen! Come down for dinner!" yelled my mother. This was the time. 

I headed in the kitchen with my short blue basketball shorts on, it was 75 degrees out, at 7:30 pm. Breathe, Aspen, breathe. We sat there slowly picking at our mash potatoes and fish. Just say it. 

"Dad?" I asked not looking up from my food. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Anything" he said happily. It broke my heart to kill his happiness, but it was now or never, so now. 

"Dad, I want you you too know that we need to move." pause, breathe, don't cry, don't cry. "There's nothing left for me here." my voice cracked, oh crap, I was crying. While tears were slowly falling off of my sharp chin, I maintained my composure and kept talking. "You dedicate your life to your work, well I dedicate my life to my school, my hobbies. You have to let me do it. You have to give me a chance."  

"Aspen, when did this happen? It doesn't matter. You have to understnd that we can't just leave it takes time and planning." The answer I was dreading. I had nothing left in me to fight, I hated fighting.

"Ok" I said quietly and took my half-eaten plate and put it in the sink. 

"Aspen, come back!" he said sternly.

"No, really I'm going upstairs." I said.

"Aspen!" I couldn't just let him see me cry. So I went into the bathroom and locked myself in there. I cried as quietly as I could. I realized that I was lonely, I needed Vanessa. Vanessa, my best friend, my rock. I took out my phone and texted her to come by, that it was important.

 "Aspen!" he said pounding on the door. "Come out!" I didn't budge. I waited until he left and sneaked out and hid. It took them over an hour to find me. In that time Vanessa had come, but I was too late my parents had shooed her away telling her that we needed  "family time". Honestly I had said enough, that was all that I wanted to say, yet they were convinced that there was a deeper meaning to it.  I had made a foolish mistake, this just caused more drama. Finally I surrendered and came out. They took me downstairs and made me cry to them. They made me tell them what was going on. I hated every second of it. They had no right to strip me of my secrets, they, after all were my secrets. All I wanted was Vanessa. After a long session of trying to pry me of my reasoning for wanting to move, and me not opening my lips. They finally said:

"We can't move unless you tell us why." 

"I already have." I stood up and tried to walk away , but I was grabbed by a forceful hand that pulled me back down. 

"This doesn't have to do with the 'past' does it?" How could they bring that up. I wanted to spit in their faces, that was unnecessary. 

"No." I said sternley, tears still falling. How could one person hold so many tears?

Finally I told them why. I should have done that in the first place, but even when I did tell them the truth, alot was excluded. 

"May I leave now?" I said weakly. 

"Yes." they said with a sigh. Immediatly I called Vanessa and she was waiting for me. She came up to my room and I cried to her, not saying anything. She was there like a strong tree not letting loose of me when I leaned on her. She didn't even know what was happening. 

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A month later my parents declared that we were moving. I felt happy about it, as if it was something good. Oh what foolish mistakes I made. Oh how foolish was I to believe that no pain would come of it. How naive was I to believe that leaving everything I loved would be easy. To start anew would be healthy. Oh how I woe my foolish mistakes at times.

~Love, Aspen