Love, Aspen

The Warmth of Your Body

I found out a month before the end of the school year. It had been a week since the tragedy. No one told me when the funeral was. I was not there for her again. Now I sit here watching the grey turn to black all around me. I wasn't even aloud to read her letter, her last words to the world. Why did she do it? What compelled her to do such a terrible thing? Was it me? 

The days at school are long and hard. Everything that anyone says is fuzzy and distant. I cant't hear myself think. I'm blinded, don't know where I'm going. I find myself in corners with my hands over my ears screaming and crying. Then I see hands come and tell me to get up, I refuse and they drag me down the hall as I scream behind them. I go outside in the beautiful sun but all I see is darkness. I sit there on the grassy knolls with my face buried in my face, pushing out whats beautiful and taking in whats ugly. Tyler sits beside me and tries to put his arms around me, but i push them away and face the opposite direction. 

"Open up to me" He tells me, he tries to comfort me, but nothing can bring her back, so whats the use.  He does'nt even know what's happened. 

One day, in his many attempts to find out, I lost it. 

"Tyler!" I screamed. "She's gone! She stabbed herself! That's why! That's why! That's the reason for the screaming! That's the reason I push you out! You don't understand, and you never will." everyone was starring. I can't cry now, not in front of people. "I have to go." my voice cracked. I turned around and ran as fast as I could away from the school, turning in and out of neigh boor hoods, with tears pouring down my face.

"Aspen!" he said behind me. He should leave me alone. Thud. I fell and now blood was streaming out of my left knee. 

"Aspen are you ok?" he already new the answer to that, why was he asking it? 

" I'm bleeding" I say with tears in my eyes, the pain of the cut was profuse. I looked down and saw that  I had cut myself on a sharp rock. "but I'll be fine" my voice cracked again. I attempted to stand up, but the pain in my knee was too great and I fell again. He rushed towards me and picked me up. 

"This needs to be checked out." he said sternly. I nodded my head weakly. As he carried me towards the hospital I cried till there was no tears left in me. He looked angry. Was I going to loose him too? After a while everything became blurred and the blood kept coming out. The last thing I remembered , before I fainted, was being in his arms and thinking how warm his body was.

~Love, Aspen