lies//ethan dolan

18

trigger warning?

-ethan-

Grayson was sitting next to me, chilling on his phone while I was staring out the window. I noticed Lily's phone going off, repeatedly. I was going to turn it on silent so it wouldn't wake up Lily, but I guess it did already.

"bloody hell." I hear Lily mumble. I stifle a laugh, but it just sounds like me exhaling.

"Glad to see you awake, Lily" Her grandma calls.

"I wish I didn't" I hear her whisper. I shot my head up at that with wide eyes.

"What?" I say. Lily flinches at my voice.

"Why are you still here." She states rather than questions.

"I let them stay, Lils-Lily." Amelia says.

"Glad to know you've become buddy-buddy with each other. -Fuck!" Lily grabs her ribs, "Where's the fucking nurse when you need one!" Lily yells.

I feel like a nurse heard because soon after a nurse looking flustered rushes in. 

"How are you feeling, Lily?"

"Like shit, but can I leave I fucking hate hospitals."

"You'll need help getting to your apartments, Amelia?" 

"I'm so sorry, but I just got a call and have to rush to work right away." And with that, she's gone.

"We'll take her. We are her neighbours." Grayson speaks up. I see Lily's eyes show gratefulness to Grayson, he nods back.

"Very well. Please watch her once you get there and don't let her be alone." Grayson and I nod and we turn to look at Lily who is on her phone again.  Must be responding to Louis.

-apartment-

"You're all set" Grayson smiles, which Lily returns. 

"Lily," I start, "What happened at the hospital?" I ask hesitantly.

-lily-

I look up at Ethan with wide eyes. I take a deep breath. 

"I'm not comfortable telling you two the entire story," I emphasize 'entire' and continue. "but,  can say some things."

I look up from the sleeve of my red sweatshirt and see Ethan and Grayson

"Take your time." Ethan says. 

"Take a seat." They sit down on my little couch next to my closet."First of all, I just want to say, I'm, a very cold person. So I don't express feelings or whatever. For me, feelings are a form of weakness and shit so yeah. Second, I fucking hate pity. Just for the future warnings, I hate pity. Third, after I explain to you, you two can just ask random questions because I want to forget about me opening up. Deal?"

"Deal" e

"Deal" g

"Ok, For the thing yesterday, is caused by my anger issues. I get called Bi-polar, and that's what I actually think I have, I don't pay attention to the doctors. Just how much pills to have." Yes, give me fucking poison and I won't even care, I'll just take 2 tablets/pills. "It is caused by my Misophonia, -let me explain. It's like the annoyance of small noises. Please don't try it out I seriously cringe at it. Like, chewing, tapping, erm- slurping. I can't really explain it but Yeah, I get annoyed easily and it can be 'fixable' It triggers something in my mind where I literally wanna watch everyone around me die. It makes me wanna be deaf, or dead, I could care less. But it sucks to live with. So, if I say to stop doing something small, please do it.  But I'm off track.

 Another is something that happened to be 2 years ago in September. It hit me, hard I should say. Let me just say I stopped eating, I hit really bad things, addictions, I still so some... Erm, I was an insomniac, trapped in my thoughts when everyone else was sleeping peacefully. I would think of ways to end what I had to leave this excused of a life.

One, really, really, close member of family I thought I could trust, well. Ruined me, h-they, in a way, took away my most prized possession. They- I was their person dummy, to beat and use. It got to the point where they even tried to end me.

And here I am."

I keep looking at them in the eyes to notice the thing I dreaded most this entire time. Pity.

"Don't give me pity, I see it in your eyes," I growl. "Ask questions. But I give explanations to every question." They nod.

"Ok, wow, umm whats your favourite flower?" Grayson asks.

"Well, roses, are the cliche. I don't like the idea of getting roses, like, it's unexplainable. There are so many types of flowers in the world but they choose roses. I would probably say that if it was another cliche flower but seriously, that has been on - even longer than my grandma was born. I'll admit, I have a few rose imprinted clothing items, but, roses are so expected. Like, imagine going to school, 'blah blah blah, I wonder what my boyfriend/girlfriend will do to ask me to prom or my date tonight'" I say with my hands moving is the 'they are talking too much' things. "And have them show up. Okay? And hand a fucking dozen red roses. Like are you kidding me?! I would fucking say 'fuck off and stop being cliche. is not fucking cute or shit that other crazy people say'. But to answer fully, Irises." They look at me, eyes wide. I shrug.

"ok damn, how about... hobby?"

"I like to listen to music. I sing sometimes. I was told to go onto a show and show my talent but they had to leave." I look up. "I draw. I'm pretty boring. I wander around. I like to get myself lost. I usually get lost in forests, but I haven't seen one yet." I sigh.

"Favourite animal?"

"Ok, this may seem hella soft, but my favourite animals are rabbits. I saved one once from a cat trying to eat it." I laugh silently. [A/N true story. It ended up getting stitches on its neck but it survived (:]

"Whats the main thing that bothers you?"

"Well, small noises. I already explained that though. What about you? Since your youtubers and all."

"Well, having people use something without giving credit. Like, we give credit to the people who started it -or at least attempt to get the right person." Grayson says.

"Anywho, this is about you. What's something you've wanted to do from the past?"

"Well, I've never thought about this but... Erm, Shit this is hard." Grayson and Ethan laugh. "How about we skip that and ask different questions." The truth is, I would stay home from school on my birthday and help Jacob out and talk to hit out of his suicide. I've always thought about it, how happy my family would still be.