Patriots: New York

Chapter Thirty Three: A Day of Rest

I awoke the next morning to the distant sound of a baby crying. For a moment I forgot where I was and what that terrible pain in my shoulder was. I felt as if I could not move my neck or arm either. I did manage to turn my head to look around the room and see Danny scratching with his quill on a piece of paper.
"''Morning," I said.
"'Morning, Liza," he replied.
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to look at the paper. 
"Drawing," He said quietly.
"Oh. That's nice. I hear the baby. Is she with your mother?" I asked.
"Yes. She's alright but my mother thinks she's a bit overwhelmed."
"I bet. Do you have any idea of who her parents were?"
"No. Abe or Jack might know, but I doubt it."
"What do we do then?"
"My mother said that tomorrow we would go to the neighboring farms and see if they could offer any information, as long as it's safe," Danny answered. "Abe is making sure of that."
"That's good," I said. "How old do you think the baby is? I would guess by her looks about two months old but I only looked at her for a few seconds before this happened..."
"My mother said three or four months, probably."
"And she doesn't have a name that we know? Hopefully we can find it out soon..."
"Yeah, it's going to be tedious to just call her 'the baby'," Danny agreed.
"Maybe we could come up with one to call her temporarily," I suggested.
"Have you any suggestions?"
"Well, I always liked the name Orla, it means golden in the Irish language..." I yawned.
"I'm sure my mother would have no objection," Danny said, smiling a little.
"I don't want to stay in bed all day. I can walk. I think I'll go see if she wants help making breakfast," I said, trying to sit up but letting out a cry of pain.
"Are you alright?!"
"Yes, yes, of course..." I said through gritted teeth, trying to keep pushing myself up with my opposite arm but immediately fell back down.
"You should stay there..." Danny sighed. "You're just going to have to rest for a few days. I had to do it, and so do you."
"I've done it before," I sighed, "I can't stand it. Especially when I'm supposed to be helping you and your mother..."
"I was supposed to help the army," he pointed out.
"There are other people who can do that, Danny." I said flatly.
"And I can help my mother."
"I know...I just thought you needed time to..."
"It'll be fine," he interrupted.
"If you're sure," I said. "I just feel so bad I can't be much help. Maybe if I can sit up..." I held my breath and propelled myself upright, "see-ah! Oh my! This is...just fine..." I felt tears of pain form in my eyes as I finally assumed a seated position.
"If you injure yourself more it won't be helping anyone," Danny said shortly.
"I'm just sitting up, Danny. I'll be fine," I said shortly.
"If you're sure..."
"Pretty sure," I said, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "I think I'll walk to the parlor if that's alright..." I stood up but was immediately overcome with dizziness. I took a step and immediately fell to the ground, throwing myself over onto my non-injured shoulder but unintentionally letting out a scream. It took me a moment of ragged breathing on the floor to fully realize what happened.
"Liza!" Danny helped me up quickly. "What the hell was that?! Stop it, you've got to rest!"
"Sorry," I said blankly, "I don't know what got into me! I'm sorry I scared you."
"I just don't want you getting hurt. I know it's terrible but sometimes you've just got to lie about until you're better."
I sighed and laid back down slowly, "Ow, alright, this is hardly better, I'm just dizzy...I don't even know what's going on...all I know is that I just have to catch my breath and then I'll be fine I swear..."
"I'm going to get you some water," Danny sighed, and walked out of the room. He leaned back for a moment. "Please don't die."
"I won't. I'm not even close," I said, my voice tired.
A minute later Danny and his mother walked in, Mrs. Gannis carrying the baby.
"Liza, are you alright?" she asked, clearly concerned.
"Yes, I'm alright. How is the baby?" I asked.
"She's doing just fine," Mrs. Gannis said. "Bit fussy, but she's adjusting well, I'd say..."
"Any idea who she belongs to?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Abe went out to try and figure that out this morning...Jack probably went with him, too.."
"What will happen if they can't find out?" I asked.
Mrs. Gannis smoothed her hair uneasily. "Well, I haven't thought about that yet...I'm hoping for the best...that we can find a relative for her..."
"I hope she can find a family. I would offer it if she didn't have anyone else," I yawned.
"We'll see what happens," she said softly.
"May I hold her?" I asked quietly.
She nodded, and carefully passed the baby to me. She was the most beautiful thing I had seen in a long time. Clear blue eyes, big, round cheeks hanging off her face, a few whisps of light golden hair, and little hands she was fascinated with. She looked straight at me.
"Hello, little love," I whispered. "You feel better this morning?" She just stared silently, until she broke into a big smile with her little toothless mouth wide open. "Aww, you're so precious!" Couldn't we all stay as innocent as her forever? "How are you this morning, Mrs. Gannis?" I asked.
"I'm well. And you?"
"I don't know for sure. I think I'm fine. Just hurt, not too badly though. It could have been worse."
"I'd like you to wash the wound again," Mrs. Gannis said. "We've got to make sure it doesn't make you sick."
I nodded. "Yes, that would be awful. I can't make myself more of a burden than I already am."
"You're not a burden, Liza. I invited you to stay here," she sighed.
"But then I did something stupid, as always. I can care for myself. I can't take other people's services."
Mrs. Gannis sighed again. "If you need help finding a rag or something you can ask me. I'm going to go have the baby take a nap."
"Alright," I said. "If I need to wash this out now I guess I could use some water and a rag, but only if it's not too much trouble."
"I'll get it," Danny said.
His mother thanked him, then left with the baby. He came back in with a bucket of water and some rags.
"Thank you, Danny," I said quietly.
"You're welcome. Tell me if you need anything else."
To be perfectly honest, there was no way I could properly wash out my wound alone. I just could not reach and the rotation would be too painful. "Well, actually...no...I hate to make you do this..."
"What is it?"
"Well, it's a bit of a gruesome task..." I said hesitantly. "But if you can handle it..."
"Liza, what is it?"
"Can you wet one of those rags and press it to my shoulder as hard as you can?" I asked reluctantly. I always did so much better with self inflicted pain but I had to put myself in someone else's hands for these brief moments.
"Oh...yeah, of course," he said. "It's going to hurt a lot..."
"I know. Just do it."
"Alright..." he dipped a rag in the bucket and pressed it into my shoulder. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life all at that moment. While I knew it was coming, it was unexpected. It was like a raging fire combined with a thousand poisoned knives were plunging into my shoulder. I screamed the second he touched it. He jerked his hand back suddenly.
"Maybe that's..." he swallowed. "That's not the best idea..."
"No...no...it has to be done. Go ahead and keep doing it. I won't scream. I promise," I said breathily.
"I don't have to press so hard, that's just going to upset the wound more."
"I felt blood dripping down my arm. It needs pressure to stop it," I said quickly, "Just go ahead and do it. Whatever it takes."
He pressed the rag to my arm again. I held my breath and gritted my teeth. Tears ran from my eyes and I choked back sobs. If the boys could go through worse without making any fuss, why was I being so dramatic? It was weakness and I knew it. I had to swallow the pain and just deal with it. Holding my breath was not what I should have done, as I realized when the room started going dark. I gasped for air and tried to regain enough consciousness to pay attention to what was happening. Instead I just kind of faded in and out. It seemed to last for eternity, but I had no concept of time in those moments.
"D-Danny, is it looking any better?" I choked.
"You don't look well..." he put the rag down. "That's good for now, you need to lie down."
"Is it wrapped?" I asked weakly.
"No, I'll do that..." he got a bandage and wrapped it hastily.
He didn't have to tell me twice to lie down. I just fell. My head hurt something terrible and my shoulder honestly felt numb at this point. "Thank you," I said groggily, trying to find Danny in the room. My eyes had gone blurry.
"Liza..." He looked around anxiously. "Shall I ask my mother to fetch a doctor?"
"No, no, it's just...you know...I've never been shot before obviously. I've been punched of course, but this is just more pain than I've ever felt...I don't feel great,,,but I should be alright," I breathed.
"I don't know if that's true."
"Danny, don't worry. I'm just not that strong is all..."
"That's exactly why I'm worried," he said.
"I won't die or anything, I just feel awful right now..."
"Drink more water. And sleep," he said uncertainly.
I nodded. "Sorry I'm scaring you..."
"It's alright," he told me. "I just don't want you getting any more hurt."
"I won't." I said sleepily. "Don't worry."
I then fell asleep for a long time. I awoke in what must have been the evening from a terrible dream I don't remember. It was dark outside and Danny was using the moonlight to do a drawing on his windowsill.
"Good evening," I said sleepily.
He looked up. "Oh, you're awake. How are you feeling?"
"About the same, just a little more sleepy. Did I take something or am I just tired?" I asked.
"I think you're tired. Drink some water while you're awake," he suggested. "Do you want anything to eat?"
"No thank you. I haven't much of an appetite. I'll just stick with water," I said, taking a sip from the tin cup on the bedside table. I could hear voices from the other room, "Are there people over? It sounds like Abe and Jack. Were they able to find out who the baby's family was?"
"Abe and Jack are, yes. And my aunt is here, too. But no, they couldn't find out about the baby's family. They said they'll keep looking, but I fear it's going to be very hard, if not if impossible," Danny said glumly, cursing the dim moonlight.
"What happens if they don't find them?" I asked.
"I don't know," he sighed.
"I hope everything turns out alright, and I really hope this is not a serious injury. If I can't do everything I usually do I won't be able to live!"
"You'll survive."
"But I won't be able to work fully or fetch water or..." I stopped, thinking of my spy job, "other important things."
"You don't need to work while you're here, Liza," Danny said. "You're here as a guest."
"I mean back in New York."
Danny looked up from his paper again. "When are you going back?"
"I don't know. Obviously not too soon because I can hardly move, but I do have duties I must fulfill there."
"The tavern isn't that important."
The tavern was not what I was referring to, but I couldn't tell him what I really needed to do in New York. "Yes it is. I have an obligation there, many in fact. I have people who depend on me."
"No one depends on the tavern that much. It'll be alright without you," he continued.
"I mean Conall, and the cook's health is failing so Mr. Walden needs more people to step up and help him."
"They can always find another person."
"Danny, I just can't abandon it." I said passionately.
"You could," he mumbled.
"No. I couldn't. Conall is like my little brother, sometimes like my own child. He doesn't like being alone at night when his father is working. He gets scared. I can't just leave him forever." I explained.
Danny fell silent. "Alright," he said finally.
"Also Audrey, can't forget her. Surely she's quite lonely without the letters from camp and no one but her family," I said quietly. "I feel like I shouldn't stay here honestly. All I ever do is cause trouble."
"That's not true. There's plenty of trouble around here without you, I can assure you of that," Danny said.
I smiled subtly, "I'm just extra trouble then."
"That's alright."
"It's really not. You all have enough on your plates without me here."
"It's fine, Liza, really. We like having you around," Danny told me.
"Thank you, Danny," I said. I felt very tired. "I might just go back to sleep."
He nodded. "It'll do you good."
"Goodnight," I yawned.
"Goodnight," he said.
I woke up the next morning to sun pouring through the window. Danny was nowhere to be seen, but he was probably out doing chores around the farm. I decided that today I was going to get up and walk even a little. I took a deep breath and heaved myself up to a seated position with my stomach. This pained my shoulder a little, but I bit down and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I stood up slowly and carefully. Dizziness hit me, but it was not as severe as yesterday. I took a shaky step. Then another. I made my way across the room to the door. I turned the knob and kept walking to the parlor. I made it all the way to a chair before I fell into it. It hurt, but at least I was out of bed. I caught my breath just as Mrs. Gannis walked in.
"Good morning," I said cheerfully.
She looked somewhat concerned. "Good morning...how are you feeling?"
"Better than yesterday," I said. "Where is the baby?"
"I think Jack is watching her now," Mrs. Gannis said, "though I'm not sure exactly where he is."
"He's not in the house, is he?" I asked.
"I don't believe so."
"Oh. Have they gone out to search for her family?" I asked.
She shook her head. "They didn't find anything last time. They're going to wait a while for news to spread, and then pick up the search."
"I see," I said, "Did they even recognize the area where we found the house?"
"No. They said they'd seen it but have no idea of who lives there."
I nodded, "Do you think they'll ever find her family?"
"I..." She hesitated. "I hope so...anything is possible..."
"Of-of course," I said slowly. "But what if they don't?"
"Then we'll have to figure out another solution. I'll care for her until we do."
"Thank you, I mean, that's very nice of you," I said.
"Well, it's only the right thing to do," she said. "I do hope we can find a relative, though...it'd be best for the child."
I nodded. Just then Jack came in through the front door, holding the baby. "Oh, hello," I said.
"Hello, Liza," he replied. "Are you any better?"
"Yes, at least enough to be able to get out of bed," I said cheerfully.
"That's good."
"How is she?" I asked, motioning to the baby.
"She seemed pretty happy outside--she kept trying to eat leaves though, so I had to put a stop to that. I figured it'd probably be better to bring her inside," he said.
"Probably a good idea," I laughed. "Has she healed well?"
Mrs. Gannis nodded. "Yes. It's still painful for her, I'm sure, poor thing, but there's progress."
"Good, she was pretty hurt when I found her. I hope she winds up alright," I said.
"She will. With time," Mrs. Gannis said, taking the baby from Jack. The baby fussed, and Mrs. Gannis smiled faintly. "She seemed to like when you were holding her. Would you mind watching her for just a bit longer? I need to check up on a few things and make sure Liza doesn't need anything."
"Of course," Jack said.
The baby quieted down as he took her into his arms. She even broke into a smile.
"Aww, she likes you a lot, Jack," I smiled.
"That's good," he laughed. "'Fraid she might hold a grudge after all the leaves I took from her."
"We don't really know how old she is, but she can sit up and grab leaves?" I asked.
"She can't quite sit up, but she can definitely grab things."
She grabbed his finger.
"I see." I laughed. "I've always loved babies. So sweet, innocent, untouched. Honestly I wish I Could return to that stage of life."
Jack shrugged. "I don't think I'd like being a baby."
"I know it does sound a little ridiculous," I blushed.
"Well, I suppose I could see how that could be a little bit appealing..." Jack shrugged again. "But I prefer this."
"I guessed as much," I said, "You do have more independence and control when you can make decisions for yourself." I paused and beckoned him closer. "Speaking of which," I whispered, "When do you think you and Abe will return to the army?"
Jack was silent for a moment. "I'm not sure," he said finally. "I'm ready to go when he is..."
I nodded, "I just know Mrs. Gannis doesn't want Danny returning. I don't blame her. I would die if I already lost one son to the war and the other one was back in harm's way."
"Danny shouldn't go back," Jack mumbled. "It won't be good for him."
"I know. He's just so set on finishing it for...you know. It won't be anytime soon though," I whispered.
"It's not good for anyone...just makes everyone...well...it changes a person, in a way that you can't change back. Not ever," Jack said. "And Danny's had more than his share of that."
"Will you go back?" I asked. "Your enlistment is basically up, right?"
"Yeah, I..." Jack paused. "Like I said, I'm ready to go when Abe is..."
"Will he go though? I mean, is it any good for anyone? There are other people to do it. I don't see why you all have to."
"It's not fair if we don't do our part," Jack said quietly.
"Who said it had to be your part?" I asked.
"No one. But that's kind of our duty, if we're going to support something. We can't just stand by and say we support the revolution, we've got to do something, or what's it worth?" He sighed. "It's just hard."
"It's not doing much for you though, Jack. If anything it's hurting you," I said, concerned.
"The war hurts everyone, but we've still got a duty to do our part."
"I see," I sighed. "But there are other ways to do it. You don't have to be in the midst of the fighting."
"What else do you suggest?"
"Well, you can grow the army's food, or work underground in intelligence, or volunteer in the medical tents, they obviously need those...there are plenty of choices..." I sighed. I knew he wouldn't prefer to do anything of that sort. Fighting best suited him. If only it wasn't so dangerous.
He shrugged. "Maybe," he said plainly.
The baby let out a little squeal without warning. The look on her face was one of pure joy and contentment.
"Why, Aren't you precious!" I exclaimed. "She's so happy. Do you think she knows what has happened?"
"I don't think babies have much concept of anything," Jack said with a shrug. "But I'm sure she thinks it's strange she's being cared for by strangers."
"Yes, I would assume she'd notice that. Hopefully she can adjust well to whatever happens. Do any of you have any idea who her family might be?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No. Never much for socializing with the neighbors."
"I never was either. My parents usually kept us inside growing up," I said.
"We were always outside," Jack laughed. "Our parents couldn't keep us in if they tried."
"We went outside, we just didn't talk to anyone who lived around us. We were afraid of the religious persecution." I explained. "We got shouted at probably once a week when we went to get water from the town pump. We only really got to play outside at my uncle's farm."
"Oh. That's terrible," he said.
"There were worse things that could have happened," I shrugged. "They actually did once. There was a snowy day and I was playing in the streets with my father's apprentices. Children always were having snowball fights and it irritated everyone around them. One boy accidentally hit a British soldier and that led to other things and eventually it escalated into a riot. My father found us and told us to run and we did, as fast as we could. Suddenly we heard musket fire. I looked back and saw smoke and people yelling. I couldn't really see much but I was able to see red staining the snow. I did not find out until later that 5 men, including a young boy had been killed right there." I shuddered. "There were reasons why we stayed in."
Jack shook his head. "We've never had anything like that around here...I'm terribly sorry."
"It's alright. It was just part of living in an occupied city. We resisted, and obviously others eventually did too, including you." I said. "A lot has changed since I was nine in 1770."
"A lot's changed...and so fast..."
"Yes, certainly. The whole pre-war saga just got us excited. Mainly we were just curious about it, but soon enough we realized it was nothing to get excited about. The war was one thing, then my marriage and the battle of Lexington and my jobs," I sighed. "Yes, Jack, it has all changed very fast."
Jack had fallen silent and was staring blankly for a long moment before he blinked and collected himself and mumbled agreement.
"I wonder how my family is doing," I said quietly, "The British evacuated Boston a while ago. Now it's safer for my little brothers and sisters to go outside."
"That's good. 'Bout time they did."
"The Continentals had them under siege and they were forced to surrender. That's when things were looking up. That is, until my parents snaked me with a surprise wedding," I sighed.
"When are you going to write to them? Surely the wedding is the last thing they care about, now that their daughter's gone..." Jack sighed. "Presumably dead."
"I don't know. I have only written my sister and she promised not to tell my parents where I was. They are probably doing fine without me..." I shrugged.
"I hope you don't honestly believe that."
"You're right, that's selfish. I was making decent money for them. Without that and without the help in the store they probably aren't alright! I hope they are not starving...or sick! Smallpox was spreading through that city madly!" I fretted.
"I'm sure they're fine...monetarily. It does mess people up when their child goes missing."
I bit my lip, "I know. It wasn't a good idea to leave. I should have just given in. I wound up worse off than if I would have just married." I cast a quick glance at my shoulder.
"Marriage isn't just a thing you can throw about....it would be terrible to be stuck with someone your whole life whom you didn't want to be with," Jack commented.
"I know. I felt it was unfair, and I thought maybe just maybe I had someone waiting for me in New York. Someone who cared enough about me to maybe want to marry me one day. That was another mistake." I said sadly.
"Well, life's full of mistakes. I've had my fair share of them. But it's how we learn. No learning without messing up every so often...or a lot."
"If I mess up again it will be too much to take. Lately when I mess up it is a very serious affair," I said.
"The better to learn from, I guess."
"Yes, don't run away with a pirate because he will try to sell you into prostitution, don't get a job in a tavern because you'll be marked as a promiscuous tramp, don't fall in love because you will be rejected for some beautiful heiress, don't sleep in an alley because you'll be raped or killed, don't fail because people die, don't take risks because you get hurt and need help. I hate needing help. I just want to be able to do everything all by myself with no help from anyone because I'll be a burden. I just can't keep messing up!" I said, feeling all the pain of the past year or so pressing on me. "I'm sorry. I always rant to people who don't care. No one does nor should. It's all my problem...I get myself into things...I need to get myself out..."
"People do care! Otherwise I wouldn't be listening. I really don't concern myself with things I don't care about, you can ask Abe. I'm sorry, Liza. None of those things should have happened to you, and I wish they hadn't. I wish I could help, but all I can say is that I think you should write to your parents." He shook his head. "That's all I've got."
"I can't tell them all that's happened," I cried, "If I go home they will lock me up and think I've gone insane. I need to be in New York..."
"They won't think you're insane! Where the hell are you getting that idea?!"
"Everything I've done...no one in their right mind does any of that! Not to mention what it's done to me. They'll never trust me again...I just can't..."
Jack shifted his hold on the baby. "Liza, I don't know what else to tell you..."
I stayed silent for a moment, tears threatening to escape my eyes, "I'm scared, Jack. I can't bring myself to tell them everything."
"You can work up the courage to run away, come to New York on a pirate's ship, and get a job at a tavern, but you can't work up the courage to tell your parents--the people who love you the most--what happened?"
"Sometimes the people who care are the scariest," I said quietly. "It's just all I've done. It goes against how I was raised...they'll worry...they won't ever let me go back..."
"I don't think that's true," Jack said softly. "But it's not my decision to make."
I sighed. "I know. It's all on me. I just wish I wasn't such a coward."
"You're not a coward. But you do need to do something about it."
I sighed, "I know."