She's Not Me || Lesy

Two

Jesy
"Everyday without you has been pure torture. No one here is capable of putting a smile on my face or making me laugh, for that matter. And I feel like the loneliest person on Earth, especially at night. Not having you next to me...God, I hate that. I haven't slept at all since I came here. Going to bed and sleeping alone...I don't know, it's just not for me."

Hearing Isobel's voice made me miss her more than I already did. She'd been in Auckland in New Zealand on a business trip for two weeks. I'd barely heard from her since she left. This was the longest we'd been away from each other since we started dating. Fortunately, Isobel would come home tomorrow. I honestly couldn't wait to have her back in my arms.

"These past two weeks have been hard for me as well, babygirl. Being without you is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"Do you miss me?"

"Of course I do. Every second of the day."

"Aww, I miss you too, babe."

"Not as much as I miss you."

"We'll have that conversation when I come back home. So, what are you going to do tonight? Anything fun?"

"Jade picks me up from work in a few minutes, then we'll make dinner and watch movies or play video games at her place."

"Are you going to stay the night?"

"Probably, why?"

"Just wondering."

Bullshit.

The real reason she asked wasn't because she was "just wondering". Isobel didn't like Jade. She never had and she probably never would. Jade didn't like her especially much, either. Usually, it bothered me when my friends and my girlfriend didn't get along, but now I didn't care about it as much as I used to.

"I love you."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Everytime those three words rolled off her tongue, I felt like running as far away as possible. I never knew what to say or do when Isobel said "I love you". And I kind of felt bad for not saying it back. And I knew she thought it was weird that I hadn't said those three words to her yet, given we'd been dating for a year. To defend myself, I couldn't say I loved her when I clearly didn't. I liked her and cared for her a lot, but I didn't love her. And I honestly thought I never would, either.

In my whole life, I had loved one person. She was the only person - except from my mum and my siblings - that I'd said "I love you" to. But she broke my heart. Piece by piece, she tore it apart.

Two years later, my heart remained broken.

But I still loved her.

"Jessica? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Uhm, call me before you board your flight tomorrow morning. Try to get some sleep now, alright?"

"Alright, see you tomorrow, babe. Good night."

Removing the phone from my ear, I pressed the red button to end the call. A shaky breath escaped my lips when my background picture appeared. It was a picture of me and Isobel when we were on vacation in Machu Picchu. Both of us were smiling, we were happy. Something neither of us was now.

The sadness in her voice right before we ended the call didn't go unnoticed. I hated that I was the reason she was sad, hated that I hurt her. But I couldn't say what she wanted me to say, not when I didn't mean it.

I'd rather make her sad with the truth than make her happy with a lie.

When my phone suddenly vibrated, I knew my ride finally had arrived. A faint smile spread across my face the second I saw Jade's contact name flash across the screen.

Mrs. Biscuit 🍪 (6:32 PM): I'm here now, babe ❤

Me (6:33 PM): Okay, I'll be down in a minute 😘

I put my phone in my chest pocket, then I got up from the black high-back chair and walked out of Vue de Monde - the exclusive restaurant I was the owner of. Locking the doors, I headed to the elevator. Stepping inside once the doors opened, I pressed the button which would take me to the first floor.

One minute and seven seconds later, the elevator had taken me from the fifty-fifth floor to the first floor. Walking out of the elevator, I put on my black leather jacket and walked out of the building.

Jade's dark grey Mazda CX-3 Neo stood parked on 525 Collins Street. Smiling, I made my way over to her car. It'd been a while since last time I saw her, so I was more than excited to ride in her car and spend the rest of the evening with her.

"Hey, girl" the brunette beamed when I got into the passenger's seat. I put on the seat-belt, then I wrapped my arms around her body and pulled her in for a hug. "Mmm, I've missed you too, Jess."

Breaking apart, Jade roared the engine back to life while I tried to find something to listen to on the radio. When I didn't find anything good, I turned off the radio and figured we'd have to carry a conversation instead. I didn't mind, though. A conversation with Jade was always interesting.

"So, Jadey, what kind of interesting things have you been up to since we last saw each other?" I asked curiously.

"Well..."

She told me she'd spent most of her time in her photo studio and that she'd visited her father in Perth. Then she said that she'd hung out with Perrie when there'd been time. Now she didn't spell it out, but I knew my ex had hung out with her and Perrie as well.

Fifteen minutes later, we arrived at our destination. Jade parked her beloved car, then we walked to her apartment under a comfortable silence.

"I'm just going to change clothes before I start making dinner. You can grab something to drink if you're thirsty" Jade said when we came inside her apartment.

"Okay."

She disappeared to her bedroom. I headed to the kitchen but stopped dead in my tracks when I walked into the living room. Newly taken photos of her, my ex, Perrie, Alex and Jed hung on the peach-painted wall. Undesired tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at the photos.

If things had turned out differently between us that night two years ago, I'd be on the photos as well. My arm would be wrapped around my ex. Maybe my lips would be connected to her cheek. She wouldn't be the only single person on the photos. Because I would be there. With her.

But I wasn't there. And I probably never would be, either. She didn't want anything to do with me, she made that perfectly clear when she broke up and threw me out.

"Hey, do you want waffles or pancakes for dinner?"

Tearing my gaze from the photos, I aimed my eyes at the brunette. My heart sank like Titanic when I saw the black and white Nike hoodie on Jade's body.

That hoodie belonged to me. I gave it to Leigh-Anne after she repeatedly stole it from me. She wore it every night since I gave it to her. And if she were going somewhere without me for a long period of time, she always brought it with her.

But I guessed she threw away the hoodie just like she threw away me.

"Are you okay, Jess?" Jade asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I smiled.

I'm dying.

Grabbing ahold of Jade's hand, I led her to the kitchen. Her waffles would be able to take my mind off of the girl who broke my heart. Well, at least for a little while.

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I have been crazy busy with school, which is the reason why I haven't updated in a while ❤️️

xxMxx