I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this...I just feel alone I guess. I'm not sure why. And I know I have friends I can talk to but everyone is going through their own stuff and I don't want to complain to them...they need help to be happy not hear me being depressed. Damn being an empath sucks. And it's draining. Anyway lots has happened so I guess I'll kinda update. So my mom went to mediation with my dad and because I told him I was done he gave up custody of me, at least temporarily. So that was enough to get me enrolled in school. So I started and went the week and a half before Christmas break. And like 2 weeks ago my sisters Siamese cat, Duchess, passed. She had an infection and her body shut down. It was absolutely horrible and I don't want to focus on it and cry, but yeah that happened. And on a happier note a few weeks ago my older half sister contacted my mom. My mom gave birth to her when she was 19 and she was going to get married to the father but I guess it was too much for him so he bailed. So after that she had to put my sister up for adoption. Anyway we didn't think we'd hear from her until she was at least 21 but she friend requested my mom on facebook and they started talking then she added me and my siblings and we've been visiting a lot with her since then. She comes down a lot and it's so much fun! I love her. she is transgender and bi but I really don't give a shit if you guys are going to hate on that cause I'm so happy she's in my life and I love her and it's great. So yeah, it's been super fun with that. And we got a new kitten for my sister, he's black and white and his name is Jeffrey. He's an adorable pain in the ass but we love him. So yeah that's just kinda what is going on in my life for anyone who cares and now I'm going to vent.
So I saw a picture of my ex Austin with some chick and it hurt. It really shouldn't cause we broke up in July but it fucking hurts. And he's being an ass which doesn't make me feel as bad about the break up so I don't know why it hurts so bad. But my heart aches when I see them for some reason. And then Christian was posting on his story about having a rough day and I kinda wanted to talk to him...ugh why do guys have to do this to me???? I mean I'm glad to not be with either of them but it still hurts and I still miss them and GAHHHHHHH!!!!! Just fuck my life. And lately I just feel like hiding in my room and crying and I feel alone. Winter is so bad for my depression and it doesn't help that I've been alone all christmas break. I just feel tired and sad and done...I don't know what's going on and I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I feel stuck. And to make matters even fucking worse my best friends mom is insisting on moving to fucking Georgia. We had plans to live together and go to college together and all this great stuff but I don't know if it'll happen anymore...last time my best friend moved out of state we lost contact and never talked and I'm not sure I can handle it again...especially since I don't have like any other friends this time...I'll literally be alone...and I don't know what I'll do without her. Honestly my friends have most of the reason I'm still even here. So I'm not sure what will happen when I'm alone...I don't think it will be good...I just don't know how much more I can take...anyway I'm going to go cry now. Sorry
