The Titan Bride

Chapter VIII: Letting go

Trigger warning: May include depression or attempted suicide!! If you are easily triggered, plz skip the part or entire chapter if need be. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

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~Jane's POV~

It's been a week since the attack, and I have been receiving letters from Marcus that worry me. He writes about death, sorrow and revenge. The letters are similar to a story gramps used to read to us as kids about a vengeful captain and a monster. (A/N: if u can name the book, I will dab. This is a real challenge!!!) I worry about his wellbeing so I wrote letters to Annie asking her to keep an eye on Marcus. Annie said in her letters that Marcus isolates himself from the other cadets.

Levi has also been even colder and distant than usual. I think last week got to him, either way.... he's acting weird. Even for Levi. Has he given up wooing me? Does he want to call off the engagement? Has he figured out that his plan worked or is he just mourning the loss of his friends in his own Levi way?

Suddenly the door swung open to show Levi. He strode over to me with a wicked smile on his face and I got nervous wondering what he was going to do. When he was right in front of me, I was about to lose it. I felt his warm breath fanning my face and my knees began to tremble.

"Levi?", I asked.

"Shh...", he shushed me as he pushed a strand of hair out of my face. "Don't speak, my love."

He crashed his lips onto mine and pinned me to the nearest wall. I pulled away and looked at him in confusion.

"What's gotten into you?", I asked.

"Nothing... I just missed *hic* you", he said.

"Levi, you're drunk. You should get some rest."

Levi looked at me all hurt and backed away from me.

"Well, I had a rough week", he shrugged. "Hell, I needed it. Why are you such a prude!?"

"I'm waiting until our wedding night! As my future husband, you should respect that!", I argued. "I don't understand you! You avoid me for a week and then show up being all affectionate!! What the actual hell!?"

" I was cleaning and doing my job! And as my future wife, you should support me."

"I do! I have been supporting you! I just don't understand how you can be so heartless and cold!"

"Oh, so I'm heartless and cold? I'm sorry I didn't live the frickin' apple pie life that you did! I'm sorry that I was born in the underground where emotion gets you killed! I wasn't born into a loving family like Princess Jane! I was born in a brothel and was raised by a single mother who later died when I was young! My uncle took me in and then ditched me like I was nothing!! So of course you wouldn't understand, your family wanted you!", he ranted with tears in his eyes. " I chose you because, I thought that I would finally be loved. That I could have a family!"

"Levi, I didn't know", I said. "I was the youngest and I had a loving family. But Armin was abandoned by my aunt and uncle, I raised him and I didn't get a chance to date because I had to raise a 3 year old. Then I was going to marry you and on our wedding day, I watched as my family was eaten like beef jerky!! I don't know what it's like but I know how to turn the dead ends into col de sacs."

I went to hug him but he slapped my hand away and left the room. I wonder how Jan is.

~~~Meanwhile in wall Sina~~~

~Jan's POV~

I sat with Commander Pixis as he was playing chess with a nobleman. I reread the letters from Marco as I sat there. He's always saying that I'm the light in his dark landscape. His sentences leave me defenseless. I'm astonished at his words and how he uses poetry and song lyrics. I read today's letter.

~The Letter~

My Lovely Jan,

I think of you every day, I long to see you again. Jean is always teasing me about my choice of words. But I don't care, because words cannot describe how much I love you. I am excited that you and I have been courting for weeks, I long for the day that we meet again.

Eternally yours,

Marco

~End of letter~

I wonder if Marcus is ok what with Petra's passing. He has been sending letters filled with sadness and paranoia.

~Meanwhile in the MP base~

~Marcus's POV~

I have been isolated for a week. I miss my Amber eyed angel, Petra. I know I was supposed to ask his highness to allow marriage again, but now that Petra is gone I don't see the point. Why should others be happy when I'm miserable? I left my room to be greeted by Hitch and Annie, but I ignore them and walk to the balcony. I guess this is the world. A world without Petra is one I don't want to live in. I wipe a tear from my eye and whispered goodbyes to my family. I'm coming Petra, we'll see each other soon. God, forgive me for what I'm about to do. I do one last salute before I attempt to walk off of the balcony.

I was about to end it all until somebody grabbed the collar of both my shirt and jacket. I felt myself being dragged back into the tower. The person who stopped me pushed me against the wall so I can see them. It was Annie??

"Annie?", I asked shocked.

"Don't waste your life, Marcus. You have something to live for, you have a family who loves you", she said. "Jane is worried about you. She asked me to watch you and if I let you jump, I'm letting her down. Also, I don't think your visitor would be happy about seeing your splattered corpse on the pavement."

"Visitor?"

I was utterly confused. What visitor?? I looked at Annie with a 'what are you talking about?' look and she pointed to whatever was behind me. I turned around to see Mikasa holding a green cloak. I ran to her and talked with her. She gave me the cloak and I put it on the chair next to me so I could hug her.

"Thank you, Mikasa", I said. "I was so depressed, I almost ended my own life today. But Annie stopped me and talked some sense into me."

"You're welcome", she blushed. "I know, Petra meant the world to you. I can relate, my parents were murdered in front of me. But ending your life won't bring Petra back, and the same goes for me. Eren always says that in order to survive we need to fight, so don't stop fighting. I'm here for you if you need somebody to talk to."

"Thank you."

"You have so many people to support you, Marcus. You just need to let them in, it's okay to ask for help."

Mikasa got up to leave. I bid her farewell and she gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I turned bright red and froze in my spot as I held my hand over where she just kissed. She left and Annie dragged me to my room. Not long after, Hitch came over to my room with food. I ate and wrote Mikasa a letter, thanking her for the cloak and talk. I also wrote to Armin and my sisters, telling them that I was okay. I changed into my PJs and blew out the candle before letting sleep embrace me. I think it's better to let go of the past because I might miss the present and the future.