Beauty inside despair

Don't make me say it

I got to my room and plopped onto my bed burying my face into the pillows. Music had always been another passion of mine, but had long ago dropped it, because of the pain that followed it. I rolled over in the bed kicking my shoes off and laying there, thinking why. I pulled my phone out and text my sister Tess 'Hey I know it's been awhile since I last contacted you, but how you doing?' I waited for a reply that would most likely not get to me til morning.

'OMG Sarabelle! Finally I didn't know when a right time to text you would be! You know I'm normally a night owl.' She replied 

'I think I made a horrible mistake.' I typed then putting the phone beside me when I heard a knock on the door. "yes?" I say and the door opened showing Kate at the doorway. 

"if you need alone I understand, but I just thought you'd like some girl talk." she stated I waved her in, and she came to sit on the bed in front of me, as I sat up. "I brought cookies, Gran says that normally cheers her right up." 

"Thanks Kate, and your right I need a girl confidant." I said ignoring my phone when it went off saying Tess had texted me back. "Kate do you think, me moving in here was a mistake?" I questioned 

"Actually no, Harry he's......well He's quite taken with you, and Gran sees it. I think something is holding you back from accepting anything Harry has to offer." Kate replied hitting it right on the mark. Kate was right there was something preventing me from going to him completely and it was before moving to England. 

"You're right Kate. There is something keeping me from letting Harry in completely." I say I told her everything. "Darren was a man I had met long time ago at a bar, back in the states. We hit it off quite easily and he was nice to me. At that time I was into music, writing the songs, singing them too. During that time I thought everything was going well and I had just gotten some really good news that I was getting a record deal with a music company over my songs, but when I went to tell Darren something in him changed. 

"he started to belittle me, discourage me with everything that I did, telling me I wasn't good enough, or the fact nobody, but him would ever date me. So one day after having enough of him had left him. Moved back in with my mom and saved money from a poor end job to get here for fresh start. " I said. 

"Oh Sara" Kate said pulling me in for a hug which I accepted fully and cried into her shoulder. "I promise you if you give Harry the chance. He'll make you see that not every man is the same as this Darren fellow." 

I pulled away wiping away my tears looking at Kate with a wistful smile "I know Harry isn't Darren, but somethings stops me, and I can't worth the life of me know why." I say. We talked for some time and after awhile she said her farewells and I went back to my phone to see what Tess had responded with. She typed 'Whatever do you mean?'

'Never mind that Tess, How have you been?' I sent and then putting my phone down. By dinner time I had completely ignored the call as I laid there in my bed. Did I want to tell Harry what I told Kate? I didn't know what to do about it. I do know I moved this way to get away Darren, and maybe get back to my old dream of becoming a songwriter and singer, but then I realized being an author of a well known book was better considering my writing was always a strong suit of mine then singing was. 

Tess on the other hand always known what she wanted in life and took it at full speed and sometimes I had wished I had that type of motivation. My stomach growled in protest for food and I ignored it until I realized better eat before it's too late to eat. So I got up ignoring my phone when Tess had text back and left it on the bed, when I left the room. I arrived in the dining hall and curtsy before I took my seat across from Harry, he raised a brow at me in concern and I shooked my head.