Twists & Turns (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 36- Summer

Chapter 36-Summer

I was able to get home a few days after Harry left. We did breakup and he did give up on me and us. It was also my fault because I was the one that instilled doubt in the relationship that we had. It was both of our faults that our relationship because he was pushing too much and I wasn't pushing enough. Honestly, I have no idea how we broke up. When I told Harry that I wish that I didn't meet him and I didn't believe that he wasn't cheating on me, he completely gave up on me and told me to go build up my walls. All I could mutter was him to leave and my mind went blank.

I have not been talking to anyone lately since I found my grandmother, Lorena, died the day that Harry and I broke up from the tumor. An hour after Harry left, she was unable to breathe and then went on life support for the rest of the day. At 7 P.M. on 18 December, 2013, Lorena Claysworth passed away from a brain tumor on life support. It was like her life was depending on my relationship with Harry. I let her down which was the reason why I haven't talked to anyone since her death. I have either cried or slept. I wasn't hungry to eat or do anything. I was relieved that it was Christmas break because no one had to see me like this. Every time I left my room to grab something like a bottle of water, I received pity and sad eyes from everyone that was in the house which included my best friend, my aunt, my mum, and my father. All I do is sigh and walk away.

Today was the day of the funeral of my grandmamma and I even made a speech for her that I know that she would love if she was here. I only saw her again for a few months and then she is gone from my life and I could no longer see her again. Some people know how it feels to finally reconnect with someone and then lose the person that you finally reconnect with after so long. Everyone was dressed in black and I was in white because that was what my grandmother would have wanted even if she didn't tell me. She always told me to stand out from everyone and show how special I truly am. I gave to a small smile to my family as I walked down the stairs. I held onto Marie and Aunt Emily as I walked down. I felt like collapsing at any moment because I could handle all the pain that I am dealing with now. The physical, mental, and the emotional pain deteriorate my mind and my body as each day goes by.

I haven't been out of the house since I left the hospital because it was doctor's orders and I never wanted to leave my cave which I called my room. I saw people in general living in the moment while I watch them as we drove by them in the car. The one thing that caught my eye was the couple that was together side by side as they walked on the sidewalk to who knows where. I watch them as I mourn. The girl was smiling at the guy that was taller and broader than she was. He was smiling back at her and his arm was around her waist. They were laughing, drinking their coffee, and enjoying each other's company as if no one exists including me. I was able to imagine Harry and me in their position. We stopped and we stared into each other's eyes as we communicated in our own language that we could understand without saying a word to each other. Sometimes we would laugh without saying anything to each other. As the couple disappeared from my field of vision, I lost the daydream of me and Harry together like things used to be before things fell apart. My grandmother and Harry were my best friends and I lost them both within hours.

We arrived to the City of London Cemetery on Aldersbrook Road and I walked out of the vehicle without anyone near my side. I walked into the cemetery and suddenly something whooshes against my face. It was the realization that she was actually dead and everything that happened was real, not a mere dream even though I wished it was. The eulogy started as we surround the coffin. I half-listened to the eulogy that was being delivered as I stared at my hands. I had no words and I was completely speechless and shocked of everything that has happened lately. "Would anyone like to say a few words about Lorena?" The man asked. Everyone bowed their heads and I stared at the man with the book and manuscript. "I have some words actually." I spoke the first time in four days.