Teehee Time

My Morning Routine (#Skitzo)

Ryan: ...
Hanate: ...
Ryan: ...
R-Dizzle: *playing his cellphone*
Ryan: *sighs*  She's late. Again. She lives so close what could possibly take her so long—
R-Dizzle: Why are you asking me all these questions? Do I look like a teacher to you?
Ryan: No, no. I wasn't really asking —
R-Dizzle: How the hell am I suppose to know where she is? What do I look like a GPS?
Ryan: No, no, no. It was a rhetorical question.
R-Dizzle: What the hell is a 'red oracle' question? Speak English! What do I look like, some kind of like mathemagician?
Ryan: No! I wasn't asking you directly, per say—
R-Dizzle: And now you calling me a pussy?
Ryan: No no no! Per say, like—
R-Dizzle: Do I look a pussy to you?
Ryan: No!
R-Dizzle: Do I like some kind of a cat? What kind? A Himalayan? British Short Hair? Russian Blue? What?!
Ryan: You just carry around labeled pictures of cats with you all the time?
R-Dizzle: PICK!
Ryan: Oh yeah, uhm, Russian Blue, I guess.
R-Dizzle: Imma Russian Blue?
Ryan: I think so?
R-Dizzle: Russian Blue?!
Ryan: I mean I-I-I
R-Dizzle: You think I am look like a Russian Blue?!
Hanate: I'm still here, too.
*dramatic music*
R-Dizzle: Yeah, I can see that.

*Skitzo intro sequence*

Regina: Sorry, I'm late.
Ryan: *sighs*
R-Dizzle: ...
Hanate: ...
Ryan: What took you so long?
Regina: Just my same old morning routine. You know.
Ryan: Your morning routine. It's almost 9:00.
Regina: Well, I didn't say it was a fast routine. There's a lot of stuff for us girls to do in the morning. Don't you watch any of those make-up gurus that do all those my morning routine videos and they basically just show everybody what they do in the morning?
Ryan: Uhm no, why would anybody even wanna watch that?
Regina: Because it's good!
Ryan: Huh!
R-Dizzle: *shocked*
Hanate: Hmmm.
Regina: Anyway, I think that's what we should do today.
Ryan: Do what?
Regina: Our morning routine. So that people can appreciate how much work it is for us girls to look the way we do. *pose*
Ryan: Ugh~ All right, if we're really gonna do this, who wants to go first? R-Dizzle? Regina?
Regina: You want me to go?
R-Dizzle: You go first.
Regina: Do you want me to go I can go first if you want —
R-Dizzle: I, I want —
Hanate: What about me?
Ryan: We're not starting with you Hanate. I don't even know we're gonna do yours this time.
Hanate: What? Why not?
Ryan: Cause I know you're gonna troll us. You remember the Halloween story a while back, when it was your turn all you said was ...

★ Flashback ★

Ryan: I'm sorry. How was your Halloween?
Hanate:  I stay home cook rice.

★ End of flashback ★

Ryan: See what I mean.
Hanate: Because that's what I did. Stay home cook rice.
Ryan: But that's not a sto — You know what Regina can you just please go.
Regina: Oh, sure. *clears throat*
Ryan: Please just go.
Regina: My morning routine goes a little something like this. So, the first thing I do in the morning is wake up.  I usually try to wake up early, like around 12 or 1 PM, but lately I have been waking up even earlier, like 11 AM from the cold, because my stupid boyfriend steals all the blankets from me. So I yell at him and he just ignores me the whole time and continues to sleep which makes me really sad. So I cry for about 5 to 10 minutes before I realize that, "Wait, I don't have a boyfriend". So I get over it, and that's when I head to the bathroom when the real fun begins. I do all the boring stuff first, like turn on the shower, brush my teeth, brush my hair, brush my little bush downstairs. And then by that time, the shower's steamy enough for me to write my name in it, so that I can take the picture for Insters and Snappies. And then comes the fun part, my make up. I always start with my foundation which if you don't know is pretty much just powder. So any kind of powder works, but personally I use flour because I love flo-ers. They look and smell beautiful. And once I finished that, I do my lips and most girls like using these coloring sticks but I prefer to lip dip, which is a technique that's really popular in other countries outside of Nevada, but basically what you use is some fruit punch, or grape juice ,what ever color you want in a bowl, and just dip your lips for two maybe three or four hours and you're done! And ready to do your eyes. Now some people call it eyeliner, some say eye shadow but it really doesn't matter because they're all the same thing. And basically it's just the coloring of your eyeball section. And again, I know most girls like to color their eyes with coloring sticks but I'm really not like that typical basic bitch. So I like to use the fancier foreign brands, like Crayole. Which stay some pretty nicely. Or like sharpie which is actually waterproof and won't come off when you swim, cry, or even scrub for an hour. And if you can't afford those, I found that you know, those little black balls that everybody gets every Christmas, works really well. I believe that brand is called charqoal[charcoal] or something, but that works too. And after that I am pretty much done, and ready to get the day started so I leave the bathroom, and that's when I always see my blankets on my bed move. So I go over there thinking, "Wait, maybe I do have a boyfriend". But when I check and remove the covers, It's not my boyfriend at all it's me under there. I see myself sleeping, and that's when I realize I was astral projecting the whole time. So then I just wake myself up by pulling off the covers so that I get really cold, wake up, and do it all over again! Hahh *breathes out* so, whatcha guys think?
Ryan: That was long.
Regina: Hahh, thank you!
Ryan: Anyway, um who's next? R-Dizzle?
R-Dizzle: What?
Ryan: Let's hear your morning routine. Hopefully, it wont be as long as Regina's though, right?
R-Dizzle: Why not? You tryin' to rush my routine?
Ryan: What?
R-Dizzle: You rushin' me dawg, you russian me!?
Ryan: I'm not trying to rush you
R-Dizzle: What do i look like some Russian to you?!?!
Ryan: Ha yeah, like a Russian Blue.
R-Dizzle: I don't get it.
Ryan: Anyway, like I was saying, yeah go ahead,and just take your time, no rush.
R-Dizzle: Good huh, now where was I? Where was I?
Ryan: Oh, I don't think you even started yet.
R-Dizzle: I wasn't asking you! That was a rhetorical question, stupid!
Ryan: ...
R-Dizzle: Anyway, my morning starts a little something like this. Wake up, grab my phone, first thing I do, jump on that Clash of Clans. I harvest gold, elixir, build groups, raid other building. Stop. Next, Candy crush. I get stripes, I get packets, I get chocolate with the sprinkles on top. BOOM! On to Brave, Dungeon, PaD, to the 12 hour mark. And back to the basics, then I jump right back on that CoC and repeat. Before I know it, it is night. Then I just do it all over again. Ryan: So that's your full routine? The non-rush version?
R-Dizzle: Mhmm
Ryan: Well then I guess we're done with this then, right?
Regina: What?!
R-Dizzle: What?!
Ryan: I mean all that's left is me and I don't have a good made up routine like you guys. All I have is a real one, so—
Hanate: What about me?
Ryan: I already told you, we're not gonna let you troll us again
Hanate: I'm not troll, I'm human.
R-Dizzle: Yeah just let him do it, man.
Regina: Yeah.
Ryan: Fine, go ahead then, but I swear if you do that cook rice joke one more time, I'm just gonna—
Hanate: My mourning routine not joke, not joke at all *sad piano music* *clears throat* My routine goes a little something like this. Every morning, I wake up. Afraid, 'fraid for my life. Gun fire, Screams, before I know it I hear banging on my door. Someone tryin to break in. Thats when I grab the gun that I keep under my pillow. And count down 4, 3, 2 1. I fire the moment that door opens before I can even get a good look at who it is. But as I'm bout to leave, I realize that I know this man. He's my father. Tears start comin down my face like a waterfall being chased by the TLC. And I just run, get in my car and head straight to my psychologist in ten years. Cuz I don't know who else to talk to. I tell him the whole story And he tells me "Hanate, you shouldn't be sad cuz your daddy didn't die". I say "What?" And thats when he tells me "Hanate, I am your dad." And I don't know what to do, I-I don't know if I should feel happy, or betrayed and I just close my eyes and blackout. When I opened them, I find my psychologist, my father dead I shot him. I hear sirens coming. That's when I get back in my car and start driving again. Tears are comin down my face like a K-pop star in that movie "Ninja Assassin", like rain, and it blurs my vision. Right as an old lady crossing the street I slam my brakes I lose control of the car and hit her. An innocent old lady. I get out and run over to her to see that she's barely alive. I bend down next to her not having to convey how sorry I am. When she stops me she tells my "Come closer." She whispers "I forgive you son". And that's when I realize, this innocent old lady I killed was my dad. Tears started coming down my face like—
Ryan: Ok that's enough!
Hanate: Hey I'm not done.
Regina: Yeah. Let him finish. I want to hear the end. So, what did your tears come down your face like?
Hanate: Oh, just like Bruce Lee favorite drink.
Ryan: Oh, let me guess like Wa Ta[water]…
Hanate: No like Pepsi, he like Pepsi.
Regina: *sigh* I heard that too.
Ryan: Is that really your morning routine? The routine you do every morning?
Hanate: Hai ['yes' in Japanese]
Ryan: So you're saying that you pretty much murder 3 different people that claim that they're you father every single morning when you get up.
Hanate: Ohh, you mean morning like when the sun come up.
Ryan: Yes! What did you think a morning routine was?
Hanate: I thought you mean mourning like when you sad because people die
R-Dizzle: Ooh! Mourning, with like a U.
Regina: That's an easy mistake.
Ryan: No, that's not an easy mistake. Why would you even think that that's what we're talking about?
Regina: Don't be mean to him
R-Dizzle: Yeah dude, his father just died.
Regina: Yeah, all three of 'em.
Hanate: Hai
Ryan: Ok, fine, I get it, there's some kind of language barrier of some sort and I don't know why in your head, for some reason, you have a country accent.
Hanate: I think it's Canadian accent.
Ryan: No, it's not, not even close, but that's fine because now you know which morning I'm talking about, right?
Hanate: Hai.
Ryan: The one where the sun rises?
Hanate: Hai.
Ryan: Ok then, can you please just tell us a real answer?
Hanate: ...
Ryan: Are you gonna tell us or—
Hanate: Hai. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell—
Ryan: Then tell us!
Hanate: Tell what?
Ryan: Your morning routine! What do you do in the morning!?
Hanate: Oh I wake up cook rice!