Back in time: Phan

6

3rd person
(Trigger warning: self harm)

Louise: Call me if you ever want to talk okay? Even if you just want a bit of company, you know where I am.

Dan: Thanks Louise.

Louise smiled sadly at Dan and hugged him before she left the apartment.

Today was Phil's funeral. Louise came over to Dan's apartment after the funeral. It wasn't Dan and Phil's apartment anymore... just Dan's. Dan hated every minute of today. He had prepared an epilogue but nobody understood what it was like for him. Nobody could ever begin to understand the friendship they both shared.

Now that Louise had left, Dan was alone again. It had been 10 days since Phil died. Dan was meant to start moving Phil's things out, since he would be living alone from now on, but he didn't have the heart to do it. He hadn't been near Phil's room in fear of the heartbreak. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Once Phil's things were gone, it'd be like he was never there. Like he never even existed. Dan wanted Phil to exist forever so he didn't touch anything that belonged to him.

Dan made a glass of water and went to his room. He hadn't been eating properly for awhile, just the odd piece of toast. He didn't have the energy to do anything, not even make food.

Dan walked past the mirror and paused to look at himself. His cheeks were sunken in and his brown eyes were dull and sad. Underneath his black funeral clothing, you could see his prominent collarbone. Dan was thin, too thin. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was paler than usual. His hair which he kept curly now, was a complete mess. He hadn't brushed it in days. He had no motivation to care about his appearance in front of others.

With his glass of water in one hand he threw it as hard as he could at the mirror. The mirror smashed into little fragments on the floor. What was 7 years of bad luck? It didn't matter to Dan because Phil was gone. That was bad luck enough. Dan studied the little pieces of glass on the floor, there were so many. Dan compared them to his heart, which was completely shattered. Dan took a large piece of glass from the pile and held it up. It was sharp, very sharp.

Dan knew what he had to do.

He went to the bathroom and filled up the bath. He got in, still in his clothes. He stared at the walls for awhile, thinking about whether he could do this. Dan couldn't live without Phil, he was certain about this. Dan loved Phil with all his heart and now he was gone. Dan needed to join him. He knew he was weak. If it was the other way around, Phil wouldn't do this. Phil would stay strong and carry on Dan's remembrance.

---Dan picked up the piece of glass and stabbed it right into his wrist. He dragged it along, going deeper. He cried out in pain. He kept going until there were four extremely deep cuts bleeding into the bath, which was turning redder every second. Too late to turn back now.---

Dan leaned back, calmness slowly taking over his body. He could feel his heart slowing down as he watched as the walls of the bathroom fade away into nothing. That would be the last thing he ever saw.

This was the end for Dan.