Best-Friends With Benefits (Under Reconstruction)

Chapter 21- Isolation

Later that night, I was still lying in my hospital bed, wide awake.

Lilly and Alex had fallen asleep in their chairs on the other side of the room, Alex's mouth hanging wide open as she snored loudly. My parents and Travis had left hours ago, leaving the three of us to watch the notebook (again) and eat ice cream together.

Sighing, I opened my eyes again, finally admitting to myself that I would'nt be able to fall asleep without him. I grumpily flung off my hospital bed sheets, frowning down at the hospital gown I was wearing.

Yuck.

I cautiously put my feet on the cold floor, satisfied when neither of my friends stirred. I slowly made my way to the door, attempting not to be my usual clumsy self. When I finally made it into the empty hallway, I started to wander aimlessly down the endless hospital floor.

Other patients were sleeping in their rooms, exhausted from their long day filled with being sick.

As I walked, trying to ignore the obvious breeze hitting my backside, I thought of my baby. Our baby. Since I had been here, everyone had been politely avoiding the elephant in the room.

If I hadn't had a miscarriage, I would be carrying a child.

I could barely look after myself, let alone a baby. How could we have raised it while still going to high school? We probably couldn't have. I had always assumed that I would get married and have a baby one day, but I never expected to become one of those moms that people, even me, always frowned upon.

Someone who got knocked up, and couldn't even raise the child.

I soon found myself on a balcony, overlooking the night time lights of the city below. Cars were still driving up and down the streets, business as usual. A billion little stars dotted the clear sky, leaving me breathless as I gazed at them. A cool wind made me shiver, but after being locked up in that stuffy hospital room since the accident, I found it rather refreshing.

I got drunk and lost the baby. I was such a cliche teen mom.

Since the accident, none of my brothers had attempted to visit me in the hospital, though I knew my parents had told them what happened. Were they ashamed of me?

Little Sandy would have been an uncle. Even though he probably wouldn't understand my situation fully, the twins certainly would. They probably thought they were the ones who were the most likely to irresponsibly have a child, but their baby sister beat them to the punch.

I knew it would only worsen my heartache, but I found myself imagining what my baby would have been like. Would he or she have looked like me? No, if anything, I would have wanted them to look like Conner.

Dark hair, unfathomable green eyes, and a disarming smile.

"I though I might find you here."

I didn't have to turn around to recognize Conner's voice. I made no move to respond as he walked towards me.

He stopped right next to me, his shoulder softly brushing mine as his green gaze flickered across the night sky. He was obviously waiting for me to respond, but I couldn't quite find my voice to do so. Instead, I leaned my head on his shoulder, silently praying that he wouldn't pull away.

When he didn't, I instantly felt myself relax. "You mad?"

He turned his head away from the sky to give me a skeptical look. "What for?"

I couldn't meet his searching gaze. "For getting pregnant."

He wrenched himself away from me like I was on fire, and I instantly felt my heart plummet. Maybe I had spoken too soon.

But instead of withdrawing from me as I had expected him to, he grabbed me firmly by the shoulders and looked me dead in the eyes, his green eyes flashing wildly.

"Now you listen here, and listen good. This, is not your fault. I was the one who knocked you up, so this is all my fault. Don't you blame yourself for even a second." His voice was firm and unwavering, but I still couldn't believe him.

"I-I should have noticed the signs-"

"Selena-"

"The-the morning sickness, the dizziness. God, the mood swings!" I interrupted, feeling the realization dawn on me.

"Hold on now-"

"I'm such an idiot! I should have-"

"Selena!" Conner grabbed my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.

"I'm your best friend." He spoke softly, wiping away the tears I hadn't realized I had been crying, away with his thumbs. "You're my top priority. Always have been, an always will be. It was my responsibility to look out for you."

I didn't respond as he went on, looking into my eyes sincerely.

"You just don't get it S."

I sniffed. "Get what?" My voice croaked unattractively.

He smiled softly at me, looking at me with such adoration.

"All these years, and you were the only one who couldn't see it. S, you're my world, my everything. I care more about you than anyone I've ever met."

I smiled shakily at him, feeling my cheeks heat up. "And I feel the same way about you Con. You're my best friend."

He shook his head fondly at me. "No, that's not it."

What did he mean by that? Was he implying that I didn't care about him as much as he cared about me?

But before I could ask, he said something that made my heart stop in its tracks.

"Selena Rider, I am so completely in love with you that I can barely stand it. And you can't even see it."

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sooooooo? I know its a little short, but its mushyness makes up for it i guess!

Soryy bout the wait, my computer broke! :( im currently writing this on my ipod.

What did ya think? :)