Radio Love

I'll always miss you

Elizabeth

We arrived at the vet in just under 15 minutes and Buster was still seizing, I quickly jumped out of the car and open the back door and Tyler grabbed him before I could and rushed in the building.

"Someone help us, please." I cried out.

The nurse quickly ran over to us and ushered us into the room, the doctor came in five minutes later and one look at Buster, his face turned into a frown and then pushed us out the door and told us to wait in the waiting room.

I was still standing and looking at the door that slammed in my face. I didn't realize Tyler had sat down in the chair until he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged him.

It felt nice to be in his arms so I leaned my head on his shoulder and let him hug me, tears fell my face and onto his shirt.

"I cant lose him Ty, I can't, h-he's my best friend and he w-w-was there for me when m-my father died and everything else that had happened." I stuttered.

"It will be okay, Lizzy. I'm sorry." He said and I nuzzled into his neck and stayed that way for 2 hours until the doctor came out and told us the news.

Buster had cancer? 

How could I have not of known? 

Why didn't the vet tell me when I had him at checkup a few weeks ago? 

Did Buster know that his time was coming, is that why he was resting his head on my leg and loving me up? 

With all these thoughts running threw my mind, I didn't notice that tears were coming down my and that I had screamed and the doctor was no longer in front of me. 

Tyler picked me up and carried me out the door and sat me in the car. He drove me to his house quickly. I hadn't talked at all, it was silent. I didn't notice that we arrived at his house until he was walking me into his house, up the stairs to his bedroom and laying me on his bed. 

"I talked to the doctor and he said that he will cremate Buster and put him into a necklace urn and i'll pay for it, I gave him a picture to put on it the necklace. I know you wanted him cremated because I remember you telling me. I'm so sorry Lizzy, I really am." He said and a tear slipped from his eye and he wiped it away. 

I loved that he listens to what I say and that he knew I was hurting badly and he took care of all this.

"Do, do you want to be alone?" He asked and grabbed the door handle.

"No, please stay, Ty please and don't leave me, I can't lose you. I won't have it." I said and started to sob all over again.

He jumped in bed next to me and pulled me to him and I rested my cheek against his chest and wrapped my arm around his waist. 

"I won't ever leave you, I love you." He said and kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Tyler." I said and again I was crying. He hugged me even tighter.

I miss Buster, It's going to be so lonely in my house now, with no dog running around trying to eat my slippers or try to play tug-o-war with my sleeve. 

I won't be able to walk him anymore, where would I put all my dog food?

His dish? His favorite blanket that he brought with him wherever he slept?

I miss him so much and it's only been 1 hour since hes been gone. 

"Tyler, I miss Buster so much." I sobbed and he rubbed my back.

"I know, i know. I'm sorry that he passed, he was a great dog, special even." He said. 

Alright enough crying, I can't morn over him anymore. I will always miss him but he's never coming back. I jumped up out of bed and grabbed my shoes and tried to put them on, but Tyler grabbed them out of my hands.

"Don't do this Lizzy." He said, his tone firm.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Act like you're not hurting, push people away from you and say that you're okay when you're not. It's okay to be sad and cry, it's how we morn out lost ones." He said, I was going to protest that I wasn't doing this but he was right.

When my father died, I pushed him away, wouldn't except any of his calls and went on with a normal life, I always went to work at the police station but I quit because I got shot and was badly injured and couldn't continue to work as a police woman anymore. 

"I-I-I," had nothing to say, "Listen, I know you care for me and all that but I morn in my own special way that helps me, I don't want to sit around and do nothing, I will always miss Buster but I'm not gonna sit here and cry and be a weak girl." I stated.

"No, here's the thing, you don't morn, you just bottle all of your feelings up and push them aside.  Yes I care about you but not in the way that you think, I'm in love with you Elizabeth and I don't think I will ever stop, when I say "I love you" I mean it in a different way than you do, I know I will never change your mind about the way you feel about me but I will never change my mind." He said and walked out the door and I heard the shower turn on and another door close.

He still loves me and I love him the same way, or do I? 

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Here you go, the update on Buster, I cried while writing this, it reminds me of my own dog and if he died, I would be so lost without my little boy running around happily.