catboy

Author's Note

To my dear readers,

I've been thinking about this a lot.

Tonight is New Years Eve. And with people all over making resolutions, including my own family, I have come to a realization. This realization is so important, so large, I wonder how long this thought had been floating around my subconscious before I realized it.

I am unhappy with myself.

I am not just unhappy with my appearance. My weight, curly hair, glasses, and apparent acne magnet of a face. No, it's bigger than that.

I have social anxiety. It's hard for me to talk to people, and I don't have many friends. I can't talk to those I have crushes on, and I don't speak in any of my classes, except theatre, and that's rare. People have literally laughed at me when I spoke. It is getting harder for me to be myself. I am lonely most of the time.

I will admit, slightly ashamed, that I have been relapsing on and off all year, and have thought about self harm multiple times. It's complicated for me, because I'm not suicidal. It's like these thoughts enter my head and I can't stop them.

And I'm sick of it.

People always seem to say, "New year, new me." But this year, I mean it. I am going to talk to people more. I am going to talk in class more. I am going to be a better person. The good news for you guys is yes, this includes a better update schedule.

Starting January 4, I'm going to be updating every Thursday. If I have not updated on Thursday, it will be published that Saturday. If I cannot meet this deadline, I will give you a specific reason why.

Thank you,

Happy New Year

Sincerely,

e. mye

300 words