where the boats go | j. lewis

ONE | LIVE

judah_lewis started a live video. Watch it before it ends!

　

Clary touched the notification immediately. Of course. And she was not disappointed when his face popped onto her screen. His hair was dark now—he had dyed it black—but his eyes were the same lovely shade of green.

This Instagram session went much like all of the previous ones. Clary asked questions about Judah, smiled brightly when he answered, and smiled even brighter when she realized how much they had in common.

But it would never be enough.

See, Clary was just like any other fangirl. After watching The Babysitter, she was completely in love with Judah. He had captivated her from the start, with those pretty eyes and that cheeky smile. He was probably the most handsome boy she had ever seen; it was an upside that he seemed to have a perfect personality as well.

Long story short, Clary felt that she was in love. Some part of her knew that it was impossible—despite what she saw on screen, she didn't really know Judah Lewis. And this happened all the time: Clary would fall in love with a celebrity, keep the feeling strong for a while, but then it would dim. She would move on to the next. But she felt that Judah was different, someone that she would always come back to.

Then again, she thought the same thing about all of the other celebrities.

Clary sighed. She knew that her stupid little crushes would never go anywhere, even if they made her feel literally lovesick now. It would pass, someday.

Judah Lewis stared into the camera; his eyes were intense, and Clary felt as though he was staring into her soul. Not that she would mind. She had an idea that, if he cared to know her, he would like her. Clary thought of herself as a nice, laid-back girl, someone who could share his interests and voice deep thoughts with him and be a great friend.

But, alas, he was a celebrity. A growing one, yes—but a celebrity nonetheless. He would grow and participate in bigger projects; hell, he was on a Netflix movie, and that was a great place to start. Look at Finn Wolfhard: He started out on Stranger Things, played Clary's favorite character in It, and suddenly he was one of the most popular child stars in the world.

A smile touched the edges of Judah's lips, and he swayed lightly in his spinning chair. "Ask me questions, guys."

Clary bit her lip, trying to think of a non-cringy question, and finally settled on: "do you like the dodgers?"

Judah answered a few questions before, to Clary's joy, a devastated smile grew on his face. "Dude, I love the Dodgers. Ugh. I can't believe we lost. Still my favorite team, though."

Grinning like an idiot now, Clary's fingers worked on the screen. He did not answer the next few questions she had. Someone asked about his favorite bands, which he named off with the brightest light in his eyes, and Clary asked if he liked The 1975.

It took a few moments; just as Clary thought that he had missed the question completely, he said, "I've heard of The 1975, but I don't think I've ever listened to them. What's their most popular song?"

Clary answered his question—"probably somebody else"—but Judah had moved on. She bit her lip and asked him to listen to You by The 1975, since it was her favorite song in the world.

For a while, Judah did not seem to notice her suggestion at all. She must have typed the same question thirty times before he squinted at the camera and turned in his chair, plucking a pen from an unseen table.

"You by The 1975," he repeated to himself, eyes still lingering on the camera. "Okay. I'll write it down and listen to it later."

For some reason, this was the highlight of Clary's entire night. Her questions being answered were great, sure, but knowing that the boy she loved—or was deeply infatuated with—was going to listen to a song that felt like a piece of her soul was greater than anything she could have imagined.

Judah did not seem to notice Clary's name; he would not know who to consult once he had listened to the song...if he ever did. Clary tried to choke her excitement down. There was a possibility that he would never get around to the song, and even if he did, he might not even think to mention it later. He would never know that Clary had been the one to suggest the song.

But if he did listen to the song and he did love it but didn't know Clary had made the suggestion, that would be okay. She knew.

　
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just wanted to say that the last paragraph was inspired by a boy in my creative writing class, sophomore year. he was really cool. sort of reminded me of judah, actually.

anyway, i can't remember exactly what it was, but he wrote something down, and it just chilled me to the bone. in fact, it almost made me feel like i loved him. i can't remember it perfectly now, but it said something along the lines of being a hero whom no one knew, but it would be okay, because he knew.

　
01.01.18