where the boats go | j. lewis

THREE | LIVE

judah_lewis has started a live video. Watch it before it ends!

　

As far as Clary knew, Judah had not gone live on Instagram in weeks. With school going on, she hadn't often specifically searched for a notification to prove herself otherwise, but when she had, her searches proved fruitless. So when Judah's name popped up at the top of Clary's screen, she moved at the speed of light to touch it.

It took a couple seconds for the app to load and to reveal Judah Lewis' blurry face. Still, Clary released an audible sigh. He didn't post much on Instagram either, so it was nice to know that he was still alive.

The picture cleared. Judah's hair was still black, his lips were still beautifully carved, his eyes were still startling and breathtaking. Clary watched him, one edge of her lips curled upward.

For a few moments, he was silent, still sitting in his bedroom. Judah rocked gently in his chair and stared at the camera. There was no way he didn't know what he was doing—giving that stare-into-your-soul type of look and breaking thousands of hearts at a time. It was cruel, but Clary didn't mind.

"Hey, guys," Judah finally greeted, once there were a few hundred viewers. "It's been a while. Yeah," he rubbed his hand against the back of his head, smoothing the hair down, "sorry about that. I've been busy." Sarcasm was injected heavily into the final word.

Clary's fingers worked on the touch-keyboard. "don't worry about it. you have your own life to live."

After a few moments, surprisingly, Judah's mouth twisted into a smile. "That's the funny thing," he said. "Outside of my job, I don't have a life."

Grinning, Clary hastened to write another comment. "you and i, we are the same"

Judah had already moved on to greeting a few viewers, however, and did not acknowledge this comment. Clary didn't mind; one instance of recognition would suffice. Although, she was proud to say, he had responded to her several times. Simple questions and comments, mostly, ones that he would forget instantly. But to Clary, those words that he directed to her—though probably unknowingly—meant the world to her.

One day, Clary knew, Judah would move on to bigger and better things; his followers and his fanbase would shoot through the roof. It was a thought that often crossed her mind, because it meant that, one day, there would be a very slim chance, if any at all, that Judah would ever see or respond to her comments anymore. Those moments would belong to others; Clary's luck had already run too high.

So she stared at Judah with a smile, and sunk deeper into the cushion of her pillows, and was grateful for everything. Thankful for Judah Lewis and his beautiful eyes, even knowing that she would never be more than a fan. And that was okay.

Of course, plenty of people were asking him questions, and Judah was answering them, in spite of the fact that he had answered most of them fifty times already. Clary's fingers worked frantically on her keyboard, hoping that he would see her question after he had finished answering another one and not while he was in the midst of doing so.

"did you ever listen to 'you' by the 1975?"

Clary knew that Judah would probably see the comment and have no idea what she was talking about, and thus would not verbally acknowledge the question. Even if he had listened to the song, he most likely did not remember it. The most Clary could hope for was: "Yeah, I think I listened to it."

It wasn't that great of a deal. Clinging to the question of whether he had listened to her song made her feel stupid, obsessed. Clary decided that if Judah did not answer her question in this stream, she would never ask again.

A few seconds had passed, and Judah was still answering a question about his height, which he wasn't too sure on, but he was around 5'8" or 5'9". Clary sighed and prepared to retype her question—

Suddenly, Judah broke off, and he shot toward the screen. He even picked up his phone from its propping-place. No one could understand what he was doing. Something important must have popped up on his phone, because it almost seemed that he had forgotten that he was live on Instagram.

There was a faint pale flash on Judah's face, and he calmly placed his phone back where it had been. He was smiling now. Just before Clary could ask what the hell that was, he spoke—and Clary's heart stopped beating.

"Yes, Clarissa Rockland, I did listen to that song, and I loved it very much. Thank you so much for recommending it to me."

What he didn't mention was that he had never quite been able to stop wondering who had recommended the song. He didn't mention the growing sense of completion and joy that rose in his chest and brought an unbeatable smile to his lips.

He had finally found her.

　
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01.03.18