Lift // Hamliza

• chapter 25 •

• Eliza •

Monday's at school were always the worst, especially just before Thanksgiving break. We have a three day week before the holiday, so according to the teachers, they should schedule tons of tests and pile on homework. Ugh.

It doesn't help that I only see Alexander for a little bit. I wish we could just have all the same classes. Lunch isn't enough.

He seems really off today. Usually at our lunch table, he's always laughing and jumping into conversations with John and Herc and everyone else. But today he's kind of just been staring off into space, picking at his food and not eating it. I knew something was up about a quarter of the way through lunch.

"Alex, are you ok?" I asked quietly, nudging his arm that was resting on the table. He looked up from where his gaze was fixated on his tray of salad and I saw an odd look in his eyes. Sadness? Emptiness?

"Yeah, I'm fine." He was lying and I knew it. I stood up and grabbed his hand, making up and excuse to leave the table. I jokingly rolled my eyes at John when he suggested that we were leaving so we could make out in peace. I walked him to the benches in the school lobby, where it was quiet and empty.

"Eliza, really, I'm alright." He urged, still looking dull.

"Alexander, we've been together long enough that I know when something is up. Please, let me know so I can help you." I begged, grabbing his hands with what I could only assume was the most urgent look in my eyes.

"Ok, Eliza, you really want to know whats wrong?" He said, much harsher and angrier than I expected. He yanked up his sleeve on one side and held out his arm, looking at me expectantly, as if I was supposed to react a certain way to what I saw.

I didn't want to react. I didn't want to acknowledge the tons of bright red lines on his arm. I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that they were clearly from yesterday, and that there were at least fifty tiny little cuts on his arm. I didn't want to acknowledge that his whole arm was covered in them, and I certainly didn't want to acknowledge that if he cut a little more on accident, he could be dead in his apartment instead of at school right now.

"Why?" I asked, trying to keep all the emotion out of my voice as I ran my fingers over the raised lines.

"Because I needed to feel something that wasn't anxiety." He said plainly. He was apathetic, not caring at all. I knew it wasn't because of me, but something clearly triggered this.

"Do we need to go see someone? Should we talk to the counselor, or have you call a helpline? This is worse then I've been Lexi, and I've been pretty bad." I said. I really didn't want this to continue. Since I started dating Alex my self harm problems had slowed greatly, and I was currently clean and not wanting to cut or anything any time soon.

"I don't want to. I'm fine." He said. As soon as he said that, I felt so lost. Why didn't he want help? Why wouldn't he even recognize he needed it?

"You're not fine, Alexander. This is really a problem." I said seriously, turning my body towards him.

"Eliza! I'm okay, alright? God, it isn't that big of a deal! It's a few cuts, ok? I'm not dead or anything. Why can't we just drop this?" He said, with the most emotion I've heard from him all day. He pulled his arm away from mine and pulled his sleeve down, storming back to the cafeteria and leaving me by myself on the bench, wondering what the hell just happened, and how do I fix this?