The Black Ribbon Angel

My Final Goodbye

* Warning very tragic topics in this chapter and story*

My name is Janae Smith, I'm 24 years old and I long to disappear or as some would say.. Give up. My life was never meant to be since the beginning. I was the result of a gang rape, when My mother was 15 years old. She gave me up for adoption when I was 3 days old. She couldn't bare seeing a child that wasn't made out of love. I was made from fear and forced consent. I was raised in a small town in Connecticut, a countryside called Coventry. My childhood consists of going from foster home to another foster home.

I always had a feeling of worthlessness.. No one ever wanted to adopt me or keep me in for more than 6 Months. They always let me continue the non ending system of foster care. Foster care itself is a very dark and horrible place. Sometimes you would get paired up with good families, while most of the time I would be paired up with the lowest scum of the world. Who would beat me and leave me days unfed.

I hoped and prayed to become 18 years old, so I could leave the system and live on my own. If only I knew... It wouldn't become any better than it was before. Naive and so young, I thought I could go to college and turn into a successful independent beautiful young woman. Now I'm in debt with My bachelor's degree, but still haven't found a good job. I just have a Part time job at a clothing store nearby. Struggling to make ends meet.

When I was 20, I meet a guy who I believed was Mr. Right. He was so intriguing, handsome, rich, sweet, and loving. Well he was in the beginning, he changed once we moved in together. He become a beast.. A monster undercover. His hand that used to caress my cheek with love, started to beat me full of anger. His eyes that stared at me with excitement, began to look at me with hatred. All my secrets, all my weakness .. He knew all of them. He took all of them into his advantage. He mocked me with everything he could. "You're just an unlovable rape baby!" "Just a mistake, no one will ever love you like me. You understand? So stop crying... You're making me look like a bad guy. You deserve getting hit. If only you would obey my orders!". Every single day hearing those words stabbed my heart.

I was so in love, that I stayed with him for 3 years. It's been a year without him, Yet I still love him. Yes, he used to beat me... but I still love him. Many people would say I'm stupid, that is true. I believe it's because even though he hurt me. He was the first person that ever gave me a little bit of love. Love that left quickly, but I will always treasure even a bit of love. Love the size of sand is more than enough for me.

All of these things in my life has caused me to feel so tiny and useless. I just feel like a huge mistake. If only My mother aborted me instead. Maybe all of it would've been avoided. I curse My own Father... I wish I could see My mother before I decide to end it all, but I highly doubt she would want to meet the baby that caused her so much pain. Maybe she would reject me and give me only coldness.

Recently I told My one and only friend that I have been thinking about letting myself go. She cried and cried listening to me beg her to let me go. She knows my pain and decided to help me. Help me find a way to go in a peaceful painless way.

I've heard of people talking about a Doctor, a man named The Black Ribbon Angel. Supposedly he can help those leave the world. I've tried to do my best in researching him, but I found nothing. Only a mere clinic called St. James. Also once I overheard customers speaking to each other:

"My uncle saw The Black Ribbon Angel, He said he is so happy that he found someone who could help him."

"The Black Ribbon Angel? Oh my, Isn't he the rumored doctor that is doing illegal practices? Doesn't he kill his patients?!"

"Shh, keep your voice down. We can't let anyone hear us. Yes, that's all true... My uncle told me all you have to do it go to the clinic and say "Black Ribbon". After that he will come and assist you. Everything has to be in secret, super confidential." The man whispers while looking around at his surroundings.

Since that day I have been thinking of ways to go to the St. James clinic. Hopefully The Black Ribbon Angel could help end it all. I don't want to continue living in pain knowing I'm just a big mistake. All of this should just end soon.

I look at My vanity and stare at the St. James Clinic Brochure that is on the top of it.

St. James Clinic

590 Lutheran St.  Willimantic, CT 06226

"Treating with the healing hand of God, Jesus our savior."

860-989-****    Call in for appointments  Opening time: 8am and Closing time: 9pm

Primary Doctors:

Dr. James Johnson

Dr. Linda Ossie

The list goes on and on... The last doctors name was

Dr. Yoongi Min

Which one of these doctors could be The Black Ribbon Angel?

What does he look like?

Can he actually complete my request?

I plan to go to the clinic tomorrow, I must make an appointment and make a trip to Willimantic, CT. It is close to My town so I see no worries in making it on time. I get out of work at 5pm, I think I make it at 6pm.

I grab my phone that is on the vanity next to the brochure. Having the phone in my hand causes me to shake. "This is it" I mentally prep myself as my fingers type in the number.

Ring .... Ring ... Ring ..

"Good evening, this is St. James Clinic. I'm Judie, How am I help you?"

"O-oh, I just w-wanted to call in f-for an appointment, I n-need a physical for m-my new job. I would like to make an appointment for tomorrow at 6pm if I could." I suttered with lies. I didn't need a physical, nor was I having a new job. This is the only excuse I could make to see The Black Ribbon Angel.

"Okay Ma'am, Let me see what I can do." She says politely "Oh I see that Dr. Min is free at 6pm. I can gladly make an appointment for you. If that's okay, we will be seeing you tomorrow."

"Yes, thank you so much. I will make sure to be on time."

"Have a good day then Ma'am. See you tomorrow, God bless you."

CLICK

The call ended

I sat on my bed and stared at the ceiling... I can't believe it. I'm really going through with it. I smile with a huge sense of relieve.

Laying my head down on my pillow I slowly drift off into a quite peaceful slumber.

~~~~ Author's note:
I hope you enjoy My first chapter. This story will begin depressing, but I promise the rest of it will be very happy and interesting. Just wait and see~~

Love , Jaimankk 💕
P.S. Next chapter will be introducing Yoongi's life story and character before the actually appointment visit happens.