After All This | pjm. ✔️

[10: awkwardness]

"Where are we going?" Jimin asked as we continued to walk.

The rain hadn't stopped. The sound of each droplet hitting the ground drowned Jimin's voice between them. I pretended not to hear.

My jeans were half soaked from all the splashing around, but I pressed on despite the chill that it gave me. The temperature even dropped a few degrees, which made me even more upset. Still, I had to keep going.

We passed a few more people along the way, neither of them glancing in our direction. I was relieved. At least there was one less thing to worry about. The last thing I wanted was a rumor circulating about something completely false. I don't think I could've handled it.

After about 20 minutes of walking, we arrived at an art store. It was my favorite place to be in times of stress. There were so many items that were organized so perfectly, it was satisfying to the eye. Besides, it gave me an excuse to grab new supplies for my projects.

I walked inside and took a breath. The scent of new gave me chills. Why couldn't my apartment smell like this? It was amazing.

Just as I was about to head further into the store, I stopped. I was so focused on what was around me that I had almost forgotten about Jimin.

I turned back and saw him standing in the doorway, completely in awe of what was before him. It wasn't surprising. I had the same reaction the first time I came. It was just so breathtaking.

Once we locked eyes I waved him over, motioning for him to hurry up and follow. I continued my way into the painting aisle and browsed the many hues of color that were on the shelves. I didn't know what I needed. Sometimes I just grabbed colors at random depending on my mood.

"You paint, Y/N?" Jimin asked from behind me.

His voice caught me off guard, but I nodded and kept staring at the shelves, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Yes, I became interested in it after you..." I paused. I needed to rethink my words. I glanced up at him and took a breath, sort of as an apology. I could feel the uneasiness emitting from him. It made me uncomfortable.

"I started to try it out a few years ago," I said, a lot quieter this time. "It's actually very relaxing and... yeah."

God, who knew how hard having a conversation could actually be. Something in my gut told me to stay quiet before I made another mistake, so I grabbed a few tubes of paint and continued on to where the canvases were.

There were several sizes to choose from, but I wasn't so sure what exactly I would be painting. I usually found inspiration from things that were happening in the world, but the last days were so filled with emotion that I had no time to find something that caught my attention.

I decided to grab a 24"x16" canvas since it wasn't too big or too small. It seemed perfect. I bought it along with a few more supplies before heading back home with Jimin.

~

"When do you have to leave?" I asked as I walked into my apartment. I hadn't thought about how long he was going to stay. I knew that his schedule was tight because of the tour, but he seemed pretty relaxed overall.

Jimin pulled his mask down and shrugged, looking over at me. "The guys gave me the day, but if you want me to go sooner that's fine."

A part of me wanted him to leave right away, but I knew that it would only make things worse. Perhaps trying to have a friendship again would be good for us both. It was worth a shot. Still, I was hesitant. Would it work? Or had we become too different?

I nodded in response and walked through the hallway, my new supplies in my hands. Even though my apartment was small, it was still large enough for me to have a mini art studio in one room. I rarely used the room, however, because I did most of my work either in the kitchen or on the patio.

But... that day was an exception.

It clicked.

I knew exactly what I was going to paint.

Within the minute, I had set up everything I needed. I even opened the window, despite the loud rain that was still pouring down outside. I didn't care. I just needed fresh, cool air for what I was going to to.

I took a deep breath. I was ready.

"Jimin?" I called out, walking through the hall. It felt strange saying his name, but somewhat refreshing in a way. I quickly shook the feeling away. Not now. I needed to focus.

I walked into the living room, finding him scribbling into a small journal of some kind. I tried to stay quiet, but it was useless. Once he saw me, he immediately shut the book closed and stood up, a very light blush crawling into his cheeks.

"Sorry, I was... um..." He stumbled on his words, scratching the back of his head shyly and looking away.

I tilted my head as I raised an eyebrow. What was he doing? Was he trying to hide something? I sighed. I couldn't think about this now. I rolled my eyes and motioned him to follow me. Without a word, he walked behind me until we reached the room. I pulled out a chair for him and glanced up, trying to catch his expression.

Now that time had passed, it was almost impossible for me to read Jimin just by looking at his face. I used to be able to glance at it for a second and tell what was going on, but he had just changed too much. It only showed me just how distant we were.

"Let's talk..." I spoke in a soft voice, trying to not sound too commanding. "Is it okay if we... clear things up?"

I was nervous, but I couldn't let him see that. I took a step back as I kept my head down, staying quiet.

"I think that would be best," Jimin replied, sitting down on the chair. I could sense the confusion in his voice, but I was grateful that he wasn't asking any questions.

I nodded and headed toward the easel on the other side of the room. My hands were shaking.

What had gotten into me?