A Heart In Hell (Dean X Reader)

Chapter 4: Losing Control

Word Count: 900

Your Point of View

"He's in the kitchen. I'll go with you." Dean said.

After he undid the restraints holding you down, you ran to the kitchen as fast as you could.

Sam was sitting at the booth, with his hands holding on tightly to his leg. There was blood everywhere and the whole place looked like it had been ransacked.

You ran over to him to get a better look at the damage done. There was a giant gash on the inner side of his right leg. The only thing stopping him from bleeding out was Dean's attempt to stitch it up, but it wasn't holding. Blood was seaping through the gauze.

"Y/N, it's okay. I'm fine." He said as he winced at the pain from his wound.

"Did I... Did I do that to you?" You asked.

"It was the Mark. Not you." He tried to get out as many words as he could, between his sudden gasps for air and enduring the pain.

Soon Dean and Cas came running in.

"Cas! Can't you just heal him?" You said.

"No. I can't." He responded.

"And why the hell not?!" You yelled, getting closer to him.

"Y/N, listen, I'm still not up to full power. I used what I had left to help you. There's nothing I can do for Sam until my power regenerates."

"Well then regenerate it faster! Charge your little angel battery up! I'm not gonna let my best friend go through this! Now, you get your feathery ass over there and HEAL HIM!" You yelled in his face.

Your blood began to boil and that same malevolent bloody shade of red clouded your vision. You were so angry. So so so so angry. Your right hand clamped itself into a fist as you stared at Castiel.

"I can't. You know it doesn't work like that." He said.

You were so enraged that you punched him in the face. You kept going, but he wouldn't fight back. Dean came up from behind you but you just flung him back as if you had super strength.

You now had Castiel pinned to the ground with yourself on top of him, punching him. You could feel your knuckles getting wet from his blood. His face was bloodied and his lip was cut.

You got so focused on Cas that you had forgotten about Dean, who grabbed you from behind. He wrestled you down, pinning your arms to the floor.

You struggled to get out of his grip as he clung tighter to you.

"Y/N. Stop. You can control it. You can do this. Just calm down." Dean said as he tightened his grip.

The shade of red that had taken over your vision now subsided. Your breathing became more steady and less rapid. He noticed this and let you go. You turned around and looked into his emerald green eyes. Your face had a look of remorse and guilt. You saw Castiel get up from the ground.

"Cas... I'm so sorry... I... I..." You couldn't even finish your sentence. You had scared yourself.

You quickly left the kitchen and went to Dean's room. You felt like you should've been crying but you wasn't, because you knew what the truth was. Did you feel guilty about hurting Cas and Sam? Yes, of course. Was this devilish feeling of torturing others painful for you? No... The euphoric feeling that overtook you was so blissful. When the Mark had become more powerful in your willingness to do what it wanted of you, you could feel the power surging through your body. It felt as though you were invincible. So powerful. So strong.

You thought back to when Dean had the Mark. The same thing happened to him.

You became terrified at what you might do. When the Mark had taken Dean from you, he had attacked Sam and you on multiple occasions and it broke your heart to see him that way.

What if you weren't gonna be able to control the Mark, like you thought you could? What if you hurt Dean, Sam, or Cas so badly that they wouldn't be able to be fixed? You couldn't bear the thought. You got so frustrated that you punched the wall, leaving a hole where your fist had been.

You grabbed your emergency duffle from behind the desk, and grabbed your journal from under the bed. But before leaving you placed a note on Dean's side of the bed.

Sam, Dean, Cas . . .

I'm sorry. Please don't look for me. I need some time to figure this out.

I love you all. I'm too worried about what I might do to you.

I care too much about you guys to let myself be the thing that hurts you.

This isn't goodbye. I'll be back.

I need to be able to control this thing. It's better this way.

Please.

I love you.

-Y/N

You walked out of Dean's bedroom and went directly to the garage. You took the motorcycle that Dorothy had stocked there and left. You kept trying to convince yourself that this was the best way for you to handle it... But what if you weren't ever gonna be able to control the Mark? What would you do then?