Into the Flames

CHAPTER THREE

My week has flown by so fast. Friday is already here and I would be lying if I said that I am not excited to meet Yoongi face to face.

I just hope that he isn't expecting some great beauty. But we are friends, not potential lovers. "As if I could ever be relationship material" I chuckle dryly to myself.

I'm still not really sure how things stand between the Tuckers and myself. Although I hadn't called them or showed up for work they also hadn't come to bother me. I know that I need to resolve the situation, but it's also unclear as to how.

For the first time in my life, I am dying to move forward. And it is clear that if I kept doing as I have been for the last five years nothing will change. I find myself desiring that one thing above all reason. Change.

The very word has always been enough to send me into panic mode. Why fix what ain't broken? For me, life has always been a redundant cycle of merely existing. In truth, it was broken. Had always been broken. I just hadn't known any better.

Change lessened my chances of survival. Change is something that life has taught me is inherently bad. Something to be feared and avoided.

Unknown was a state of being in which any number of horrendous things could happen to me. Because of me. I have never found familiarity so stagnating before. Why now?

Sarah had changed me in such minor ways. But these... these were huge and irrevocable. I want. Wanting is bad. Wanting leads to disappointment and pain. But how could I not?

I can't explain the things taking place within me. It is as if I'm finally  coming to life. The world which, to me, had been blurry and in black and white is now vibrantly clear. My newfound desire to see the world through clear eyes can only be inspired by one person. And I'm not entirely certain if it is normal.

Yoongi hadn't told me what time he would be calling, and I know him well enough by now to know that he has a rather busy and hectic schedule. Honestly, I have no real idea what the man actually does for a living, but I know that it keeps him occupied and exhausted.

Really, I suppose that I knew very little about Yoongi in general. He is older than me, I know that much. He is from Korea. And he shares a name with my ultimate BTS bias.

It's enough though. Because I also know that he is the type of person to say what he thinks and feels. I know that he is grumpy, hates mornings, and is currently in a relationship with his bed. Or really any surface that he can physically fit on.

I'm pretty certain his bed doesn't know it's being cheated on with the couch. And the armchair. And the car.  Also, I know that despite his often times cold or detached demeanor he's actually quite the teddy bear.

I had honestly been shocked to find out that my super serious friend also had a playful and cute side to him. The realization that Yoongi is, in fact, a teddy bear underneath it all is probably the catalyst for the trust that I placed in him.

I may not have known Yoongi for that long. But I know what kind of a person he is. Isn't that all that matters?

The two of us have laughed together, and cried together. In him, I have found a kindred spirit. And I'm finally going to see that kindred spirit's face for the first time.

It would be pointless to deny that I am also more than slightly nervous. I sigh as I make my way to the small bathroom.

My bathroom makes me feel almost claustrophobic as I make my way to the cheap mirror above my sink. Should I wear makeup? Should I dress up? Would that be weird?

"Couldn't be half as weird as the shit taking place in my brain right now..."

Once again I sigh. I really should stop talking to myself. While a stay in the asylum might be inevitable I'd like to delay it for as long as possible. I briefly wonder if the food is decent.