A Dulcet Feeling

The Day We Met

I hadn't seen you in the hallways or at the steps after school. My eyes drifted across faces that I didn't recognize until my eyes met yours, through a mutual friend. The first thing I thought of when we spoke was that you were humble and kind. At that time, we both know that my eyes were on a different someone, the wrong one. We started as friends and you were the friend that was sometimes there for me and other times, focused on a certain someone too. Being there for each other, was only after we really got to know one another. If I knew the limited time we had, my time would've been used better instead of heartbreaking hours, days and weeks. 

You were there that day. The day where someone broke my heart. The day where my someone chose one of my friends and left me behind. I was broken and felt worthless like my exterior had no core and that someone could shatter me, just by their touch. You and my best friend were there and you made yourselves late for class. I could see in your eyes, how much you felt sorry for me. I remember during lunch, that you and my best friend stood beside me. No matter whether he was your friend or not, you stayed with me. I didn't know pain could be so excruciating. After a couple days, I felt numb. Seeing them together brought the pain all back. When I ran out the library because I didn't want anyone to see me cry, you were there. When I ran away the table, you came for me. When I was quiet, you were the only one who asked if I was okay.

A month later, my tears were dry. There was one day where came up to me, like every morning but this time it was different. When I saw you, my heart skipped a couple more beats than its usual rhythm. My eyes changed its view of you, it wasn't melancholy feeling anymore, it was newfound love. Your eyes were still on someone else and when I wasn't sad anymore, your absence was missed. I missed the person who would reply seconds after I texted. I missed the person who was always there for me. But you were still focused on someone else, so I let you be. I dug my feelings a grave because there was no chance left for me. Instead, I became the person who would always tease you about it and I soon became friends with the person you liked. I completely understood the appeal. So I let it be. I let you have your chance at love. 

Later on, I thought I should've told you. One day, I needed to tell you because it was getting to hard to watch you guys all the time. I know you weren't dating but it awfully felt like that. I couldn't keep it in so I told you. I texted you and asked if you were still into her and you said yes. You connected the dots and found out that I liked you. I told you to forget about it and you said why. You asked as if I had a chance and that this was not something I should want you to forget about.  I make my way home and settle in my room. I spin in my chair for all the ways the next day could've played out. You could've ignored me. You could've only said a couple words. Then, you texted me. You asked me if I wanted to come over for Halloween. To be completely honest, you confused me. I thought you wanted to talk more about it and tell me how we could stay friends. I figured out that you liked me. You liked me back and I was dumbfounded. I started looking for the nicest thing to wear for Halloween and that I conveniently owned in my closet. 

That night, I was happy because we both were on the same page. But what happened? 

Why are things the way they are now? It's all my fault.