I'd die for you. (A shumdario AU)

He's not alright.

Harry could not take it anymore. Not this time. Especially not this time.

Matt was taking over his life. Every part and every aspect - and it pained him so much.

Seeing Matt, even catching his name in a conversation between co-star friends destroyed him in ways that he did not think was possible.

He just wanted everything to stop - the feelings had to. And Harry told himself that it was plausible if he just pretended and faked it and maybe, just maybe, the feelings, the pain will just fade away on its own.

But of course, that was not the case. And he could not do it.

Is there even an escape to this nightmare, Harry kept pondering. The answer was probably a definite no , though.

Harry could not think straight anymore. He was petrified. It was not because of the fact that he might not be straight - he was pretty certain that everyone would accept him, considering the fact that everyone he loved and cared for was supporters of the lgbt community, which made him very light-hearted.

The truth was that he was scared that Matt would not feel the same; that Matt would be utterly revolted by his confession; that Matt would not be his best friend anymore, let alone a friend . And Harry could not imagine life without Matt - without the person who made him truly happy and contented - without the person who never made him feel solus. He just could not live with that.

"It'll be okay, he'll understand," they said.

"It doesn't matter if he does or doesn't feel the same way," they said.

"He doesn't care. He loves you," they said.

Voices in his head. They did not stop. They would never.

It was like a war inside his head. And it hurt.

Harry slept in all day. His energy was drained. His eyes could not stay open. He had to shoot multiple scenes that day - since the next episode was going to be more of a Magnus-centered one. He could not stand the tiredness and the despondence rising and reinforcing inside him. At times like this, he just felt like dying. He felt like slipping away. He did not care anymore.

Harry just wanted to be happy. But he also felt like he did not deserve it at all.