thoughts

i don't know what to do

You are so sick and tired of what they do. They are horrible people. You've come to this conclusion a long time ago. 

It's 1:14 in the morning, and you are so frustrated. You need to do something. The trip down the stairs and into the kitchen takes almost no time. You open the drawer and look at all of its contents at once. You grab the most attractive looking one and as soon as it's in your hand, you can't let go. The grip you have around it's handle is incredibly tight, but you didn't realize this at the time. Your hand shakes while your brain struggles to process the hundred thoughts going through it every second. 

Will I drive? Do I force him to go to the car so we can leave faster? Do I tell him to pack his bags in advance? What will I say to them? Do I let them speak? Should I leave the small one? Do I bring him with? Should I let myself go?

You don't know how to handle everything that's going on in your head. You feel like after it's over you should drop him off and go, since you have no life after that night. The shaking in your hand has become wild and the grip that you hold the tool with painful. Your thoughts are become so intense that it builds up to a point where it seems as if everything stops. Your pulse becomes nonexistent for just a moment, as you drop it back into the drawer, turn out the light, and quickly move back to your room. 

You practically slam onto your bed as the thoughts that raced through your mind just seconds ago become more and more intertwining and confusing. You don't know what to do. You can't go to bed now, the feeling of your heart pumping is far too fast to be able to relax. You can tell that if you brought it up with him that it's probable to go very poorly. Do you ignore it? Do you plan it? Is it time?

It takes a painfully long amount of time for you to go to bed, for the seemingly endless thoughts and feelings you have take control of your entire being. You just want to help. Where do you go from there?