thoughts

i'm so lucky

         If you had told me one year ago that was going to be in a happy relationship again, I would have looked you in the eyes and told you you were insane. At that point, it felt clear to me. I wasn't capable of being loved, and I wasn't capable of loving someone right. I decided to avoid it entirely because I wasn't worthy. 

        I tried so hard to make it seem like I wasn't as affected as I was. I came to school trying to show myself to be this joyous, motivated, and enjoyable person. I took it upon myself to take care of everyone else to make up for the fact that I wasn't going to take care of myself, even though I needed it. The only comfort I found was in the well-being of others.

        There was one person. He saw that I wasn't doing well. He saw that I was impacted. He was there for me during the times I needed it most.

        This boy grew to become my best friend and the most important person in my life. Over time I developed strong feelings for him, but I couldn't say anything. Even if he felt the same, I wasn't worth it. I wasn't capable of making things right, remember?

        Through a series of events, I got him. The fateful night came when I felt like I could talk about it, I felt ready. We were sat on his bed, I told him how I felt. I was so nervous but the feeling faded as soon as he looked at me and pulled me into his arms.

        Now we are here. I can see a future again. I feel like I have a life ahead of me again. He's brought this sense of hope back into my life that I thought I had forever lost. He brings so much good into my life and I couldn't be more grateful.

        It's not just me either. His existence brings peace. His smile lights up a room. His laughter cures diseases. His movement is celebrated with parades. His skin inspires art. His hands breed life. His words make people fall to their knees. His eyes melt their hearts. His passion sparks fires. His hair flows the rivers. His lips grow trees. His heartbeat keeps the world spinning.

        I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'm so grateful.

Thank you. I love you.