Every Waking Moment

2

Playlist-

Another Day In Paradise - Quinn XCII, Electric Love -BØRNS, Sunday Candy - Donnie Trumpet & The Social Experiment

With daylight came more moments of laughter. We went out with no one knowing. Driving around, windows down, wind in my hair. I couldn't stop myself from glancing over to you and smiling. The music was blaring and the whispers of the wind passed by and yet it all seemed to quiet down for you.

Our first stop was for pizza. Every single time I looked over the table, your beautiful blue eyes met mine and fed the fire within me. You made me laugh and giggle and most of that was probably from the nerves that were telling me that everything we were doing was a bad idea.

After our first day, I couldn't sleep. I knew what I felt for you was something pure and genuine. I didn't want to release it into the world, only for it to be tainted by the opinions of others. I knew that the words that would be thrown at us, whether of support or hate, would crack and taint what we had. I didn't want to let go of what we had.

Our little piece of paradise didn't hold up for long. Our diamond that I was holding onto, hoping it wouldn't get scratched by the harsh words of the world. The facade I had created toppled down. He found out eventually, like I knew he would and the comforting fire within me was soon greeted by the harsh lightning in his fury. Wrapped in fear, I tried to push away our flame. I tried to ignore it again, tell you that it didn't mean anything to me even though I knew that wasn't the truth.

The storm rained down on me, dampening the fire I had held onto for those many months. Thunder was thrown at me in the form of words, leaving me to cower in the corner, afraid of what would happen if I followed my heart.

But the fire kept whispering to me, tempting me to do as I pleased. So I did. I spent my summer days sticking my head out of the sun roof as we drove around, anywhere the day took us. Whether we floated in the lake looking up at the sky or climbed on the monkey bars like we were children. The feeling of your lips against mine kept me alive. It gave me the energy to keep going, to fight through the storm.

Our second night together was nothing like the first. We were hiding under the sheets, the taste of alcohol only on your lips. The stars were so bright that night, unfortunately it's the brightest of stars that burn out the quickest.

We awoke to more than anticipated. More than we signed up for. There was constant yelling, the echo of the phone ringing and the disapproval through the receiver. I reached out for support, I looked to the storm for advice but all that came back was more thunder. It seemed that I was alone in that moment. No one there to listen to my cries for help. No one but you, however, in that moment, not even the fire was there to comfort me. My once burning body had gone out. It was empty, all that was left was the dampened ashes of a fire that had once burned wild. My barren soul turned to the only thing left, the darkness. The cold hands of death would be the only one to welcome me in that moment of desperation, so I greeted him as an old friend.

The pounding of my heart kept me awake. I yelled out in pain. It seemed as though my heart did not desire to be within me anymore. Beating down on the bone bars that kept it caged. The fire came back, starting at my toes and burning up my legs, my sex, my abdomen, into my head. All I could feel was the searing pain of my body trying to reject the hands of death. A distant voice calling out to me, Can you hear me? It was the storm, quieting down to a worried pitter-patter. Can you talk to me? I tried to form a sentence but all that came out was cries of pain. The rain didn't look me in the face, there was no lightning anymore, only the shower. The storm knew what it started.