Every Waking Moment

4

Another week and I was home but I spent my days at a new place. It was August 2nd, the day I told you I love you. I remember so clearly because it felt like I had finally accepted the fire within me to be part of me. I spent so long believing it was a part of you within me but really, it was all my own, just something you ignited. The wave of relief that so many people talk about having after finally telling the truth was something I now knew the feeling of. But the months of storm we endured wouldn't be the end of our troubles.

    When I eventually returned home to you, I was bombarded with kisses and love. It made me feel whole and not like some sad, sick kid. We went back to our routine of days spent driving to nowhere in particular, listening to music too loud and acting like we had been with each other for years instead of just a few months. We learned to ignore the thunder and soon it became a distant pitter patter, one that was no longer pouring down on us.

    Soon we were accepted, people knew and they didn't care. They no longer had words of hate for us, and those who did, they didn't bother us anymore. It was as if we were in our own little bubble, one that seemed impenetrable. But not everything is bulletproof.

    The sparks that had started coming back after the close encounter with death had become a wild fire, a flame that couldn't be controlled by anyone. It seemed like every song I heard had the melody we both knew so well in it, hidden under the chords and the chorus. I still hear that melody and every day, I wonder if you hear it too.

    I wonder whether all of this was in my head or if you had your own flame, your own little part of yourself that I ignited. Was I imagining the melody? Was I imagining the electricity in our touch? I dismissed these thoughts, you had to have felt the same or you wouldn't still be with me.