Madness

chapter 12- murderer's madness

Chills of fear crept down her back like a breath of air. Everything around her became very, very still.

"No, no, no," she murmured under her shaky breath. Guilt burned in her mind and her throat, residing in her brain. "This can't be!" Yet a small voice in the back of her head told her it was and deep down she knew that this was the mother of a teen she'd killed.

Her stomach crawled and for once she was glad that the thundering darkness was a veil between them. Aimlessly staring into the shadows, Elena felt her mind become dazed but something else crawled behind the fear.

It was almost excitement or pleasure. It scared her witless but something about her victim's unknowing mother talking to her made her feel giddy and slightly delirious, almost drunk of madness. She liked it. It made her shiver with a dizzy sense of eagerness.

Oh no. I am a monster. I am inhumane. How can I be enjoying this? This isn't a game! A thrust of clipped, broken thoughts twisted through her sanity, damaging it. Still the excited feeling remained, spreading evenly across her weakened body.

A stream of light washed over the train as they emerged from the tunnel.

A frown formed on Rosalyn's face as she inspected Elena. Her gaze was sharp and obnoxious as she studied Elena.

Squirming in her Elena she snapped, "do you mind?!

"Well" she replied, her tone suddenly becoming much more uptight and high pitched as if biting back anger. "All I was going to ask is what's that staining your hands?"

Elena could feel the blood draining from her face, leaving her complexion ashen and deathly pale. Panic shifted over her. Â Her initial fizz of joy and exhilaration became a moment of confusion.

She stuttered a string of distorted, inaudible words underneath her wistful breath. Glancing at her hands, she felt a pained expression pass over her face. The blood was dry, most of it had rubbed of but it was still distinct enough to be recognized as blood.

"A nose bleed," Elena said in a very small, indistinctive voice. Act normal. Act normal. Wear the lie you're so used to wearing.

Each time something wrong, something uncertain Elena did was noticed it infected the room, draining the certainty and comfort that was once dwindling.

"Right," replied Rosalyn, stiffly. Elena didn't miss her emotionless, hard eyes and her sudden straightened posture. "Of course," She gave a half- laugh, forced and half caught in her throat. "Anyways this is my stop."

With that, she gathered her belongings and left the carriage. Before the door clattered shut, Roslyn quickly turned to face Elena and gave her a partial smile.

"It was nice meeting you, Aleena."

Liar! Her mind hissed seething as the door shut. I wish I could say the same, she added in despair.

Why am I like this? Her emotions had always been apart of her and she wasn't afraid to show how she felt but now it was different. For the first time, she bit back her true emotions and wore a baggy, half eaten lie that showed in places. But these emotions weren't normal. Something about them had tensed into something hard and fiery, multiplying each thought and each feeling into something uncontrollable. They showed too much, came too quick and became another feeling almost instantly. Could Fake- Elena control her mind? If it could, she didn't want to know.

Elena was sure if someone looked closely enough they would be able to see the perfect mask of pretence crumbling revealing raw emotions that took over her. She was sure if you listened carefully enough you would be able to hear the silent cries and agonizing shrieks for help beneath the fake laughter which filled the hollow space between lies and the truth.