book of feelings . minyoongaying

one

T A E

fuck feelings man, i fucking hate everything. from shitty love to music; i dont know how to feel. my heart just doesnt fucking listen and does stupid shit with itself which makes me sad because it kills me more. my body is so fucking stupid to go against it and let it be and dont fucking care; i hate you body. my brain, the 'important' part where it doesnt let me fucking think straight, doesnt let me think. i know, you are far, i know we probably wont even meet. but im afraid that you can let go just like everyone else, just like my ex-es, my family and everyone around me. im just, im sorry, i dont know what im typing. i know i should trust you, i do, i really do. when im with you, i feel like im on the clouds and im so fucking happy that finally, someone that i can love. but, im done fighting, i cant with this stupid life; i get essentials but... im sorry, i am just terrified that you will find someone. honestly, i came hom- i know, im fucking clingy but fuck, i dont know, i just am done of giving love when i am the one who really needs it. fuck me, i sound like a fucking needy desperate bitch. school, i was fucking tired and i wanted time to go fast and it did. i came home smiling at the thought of you but then.. you werent replying and there was no messages, fuck. im so fucking clingy im sorry i just cant- my life is so fucking messed up when love intrudes, just fucking stupid. but i love you, and it hurts me when, you- im sorry again, im going fuck. i dont know, i feel so forgotten and useless since everyone is so busy and doing important big things. i just wanted you to tell me that you are fine or just a picture or simple cute text. so i know that you are fine and i know that you arent fading away. fuck me, i hate this