Wonderstruck (t. chalamet)

o n e

~ Rowan ~

What's it like to live in a constant circle of fear, you ask? Well to tell you the truth, it's terrifyingly embarrassing. I went from being a little girl who could take on the world to a girl who barely had the strength to get up in the morning. Despite what one may assume from my absence of the social scene, all I really wanted was a friend.

Throughout high school, I never made friends a priority. I was too busy grieving over the loss of my mom to notice that there were actual people that I failed to see. Ever since my mother's death, the summer before my freshman year of high school, I'd developed anxiety that was so bad I couldn't even stand the thought of a new day. Maybe it's selfish to pity myself, but in my defense, there's no one else to do it for me.

You'll be okay

Breathe

You got this

These are the things I told myself as I walked into school. Palms sweaty, eyes shifting with no control, a mild but urgent push made me stumble to the side. I turned to face whoever it was that had caused me such panic and I was met with nothing. What an idiot.

My first two periods were a breeze, but third period is when I actually wanted to die.

"Let's try a bit of improv, shall we?" the teacher smiled as she scanned the room.

I know what you're thinking, why would a nervous girl like me take a drama class? Well because the art and music classes were full, my counselor saw it as an opportunity to get me out of my comfort zone and put me into what might've been my worst nightmare.

"Since it's the first day I'll be nice and allow you to choose your partners, but don't get used to it."

After hearing the instructions, everyone got up and began to find their partners. I looked around slowly only to realize that once again I would be the odd one out.

"Seems like we have an uneven amount of students in this period" she turned to the boy beside her, slouched over on the desk, "Timothée, would you mind being this young lady's partner?"

Instead of responding to her question, the boy got up and walked carelessly to my side. We stood close enough to the point of me feeling uncomfortable, so I moved my body farther away to bring distance.

"Oh so now you want personal space," he muttered to himself.

"Excuse me?" I spoke. A feeling of courage came over me as I asked him this.

"You ran into me earlier, in the hallway before school."

The boy looked at me, his eyes not leaving mine. Breaking eye contact, I spoke again.

"Oh, maybe I was looking down, not paying attention- I do that a lot- I mean not intentionally- I"

Something about his facial expression gave me the impression that he wasn't amused, but I couldn't tell. I quickly turned away and have a sigh of embarrassment.

"For today's activity, I will be handing you and your partner one index card with a scenario when I call your group you will come up in front of the class and perform it for us, got it?"

Everyone in the class nodded or said "yes" in a monotone fashion as you would do in any class. Timothée was handed the card and he looked at it with a smirk on his face.

"What?" I said urgently, "What is it?"

Not answering my question, he shoved the card over so I could see it. A husband returns home and surprises his wife. Oh great, the last thing I wanted was to pretend to be in love with someone I barely knew.

"Rowan and Timothée!"