Only One I Call Home

Chapter 11 - "Memories warm you up from the inside..."

Chapter 11

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”

-       Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tully asked shaking her head as we walked through her front door.

I shrugged. “I didn’t want to think about it.”

She rolled her eyes. “This is a boy that you have been in love with for two years. You haven’t seen him in so long, I don’t know how you can resist him? Any normal girl would be throwing herself at him.”

I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Well I guess I’m just not normal.”

She walked over to me. “Mads, if he tries to talk to you, please tell me that you’ll give him half a chance.”

I shook my head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” She asked.

I sighed. “Because I don’t want him in my life. He won’t like this version of me. I’m not the same person he fell in love with and that girl is never going to come back.”

She rolled her eyes again. “I don’t believe that.”

I shrugged. “Believe what you want. I’m getting changed and then I’m going out. I’ll be home before dinner.”

She didn’t argue with me. I stood in my caravan and changed into a pair of tracksuit pants, ugg boots and a t-shirt with the grey cardigan. I tied my hair up in a messy bun and then left the van without a second thought.

I walked down the street quietly and plugged my headphones into my ears. I wasn’t really sure where I was going; I just liked to walk at night. I still wasn’t used to all the freedom I had now. It was so much better than I’d even hoped. I closed my eyes and walked down the road. Hardly anyone drove around here so I knew it was fairly safe.

I continued to walk until I reached the beach and I headed out until I was at the very end of the pier. I sat down and let my legs swing over the edge, watching the waves come in slowly and kiss the shore before fading back out again.

It made me think of a poem I’d read once by Sarah Kay, she was one of my favourite poets. I closed my eyes and began reciting it out loud.

“’Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline…’” I paused, feeling a familiar breath on my neck.

I pulled my head phones out and continued to stare at the water.

There was a voice in my ear, finished the poem. “’…No matter how many times it’s sent away.”

I didn’t turn around to meet Trey’s eyes. I was already imagining the beautiful, blue sparkles that stood out in the biggest crowds. I sighed heavily. I could feel him watching me but I still couldn’t bring myself to look into those eyes.

“Why did you ignore me today?” He whispered.

I closed my eyes. “I think a better question is why are you here?”

He shrugged and sat down beside me. “Well my uncle is the principal of our school.”

“That doesn’t really answer my question.” I whispered.

He sighed. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to ruin your life. I didn’t follow you here or anything. Honestly, I didn’t even realise until I saw you this morning.”

I shook my head. “Don’t lie, my address is on the letters.”

He chuckled. “Yes, I figured that was a bonus. But honestly, this was the last place I could go. I thought you might be a little more understanding, Madison.” He looked out to the water. “What was wrong with Laurel?”