Only One I Call Home

Chapter 21 - "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow..."

“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

-       William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Chapter 21

“So…” Tully giggled as I walked through the front door. “What happened?”

I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.”

She frowned. “When you didn’t come home I just assumed things had gone well…what happened?”

I sighed heavily and slumped onto the couch. “Yeah, I drove around all night and then parked for a while and just sort of sat there. And then I drove here. Things are never going to be the same with us. We’re not going to get through this.”

“What happened to all the optimism that things were going to get better? Because maybe one day they will.” She gave me a very knowing ‘mum’ smile.

I groaned. “Yeah, maybe not. He just left me there. He couldn’t even look at me. He was so cold.”

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. “He’s just upset.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” I whispered under my breath.

She frowned. “What did you say?”

I shook my head. “Don’t worry. I’m going to bed.”

She laughed. “It’s nine in the morning.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, I haven’t had any sleep.”

“So you’re not going to school?” She asked me.

“Nope, I can’t look at him yet.” I told her. “Just tell people I’m sick or something. Or tell them I’m dead for all I care.”

She sighed. “You’re a tough cookie, you’ll pull through.” Then she kissed my forehead and turned away. “Anyway, I’m leaving. My free period will be over by the time I get to school. Stay safe.”

The only problem with being the ‘tough’ one is that no one offers you a helping hand.

I hardly slept for three hours and it was as restless as I’d ever slept in my life. I ended up getting out of bed and fishing out the bottle of vodka that I had stashed under my bed and taking a swig from the bottle. Tully had texted me in the middle of lunch saying that Jake was wondering where I was and she asked if I was okay. I texted her back to say that I was doing fine and not to worry even though I knew her worrying about me was practically inevitable.

I wondered if Trey was thinking of me. I wondered if he’d even realised I wasn’t there. I wondered if he regretted leaving me last night. And then I had to remind myself that he wasn’t thinking of me, and he wouldn’t regret leaving me because he didn’t love me anymore. He didn’t even care. Since when have I ever let a boy get the better of me? I had never been dumped. And that wasn’t only because I’d never had a serious relationship until now. I had to pick myself up and show him that I didn’t care, even if I did.

So I changed into my school uniform and had another shot before mixing some of the vodka with a bottle of water. I tied up my hair and then left the house without a second thought. I drove straight to school, practically speeding the whole way. When I got there I parked and got straight out of the car. I was ready to show Trey exactly how good I was without him. I was doing exactly what he wanted. I was going to turn into ‘Laurel’ again. Madison was going back into hiding and the old me was making reappearance.