Hurt

Becomeing the Monstor

// Not all the monsters we see have fangs and claws but have unclean hearts and a bad past - Jade

I spent the night in a cold cell . It didn't smell the best but it was safe and I didn't complain . I laid on the cement floor my back aching. I felt like I was changing like I was going insane . One moment I was having a dinner with Negan and now I have been in a cold cell living on dog food Sandwiches. I had been here for weeks maybe months and I was out for blood . I wanted to kill I didn't care who . I started singing " Go tell Aunt Rhody , go tell aunt Rhody , go tell aunt Rhody that everybody's dead ". I was becoming something I never wanted to be I was becoming a monstor . " I was raised in a deep dark hole a prisoner with no prowl , they locked me up and took my soul " I sang as I dug my nails in the cement walls. " O Negan " I yelled as I dug my nails till they bleed . This wasn't who I wanted to be but I realized this who I had to be . I got tired and decided to lay down . That's when the nightmares came . I dreamt that I was being abused by my father and dreamt about when I killed him. " You fucked up Jenny , Now your one of us " He shouted .

" Daddy I'm sorry , I'm not like you " I said as I tryed to run away . He was in front of me as I ran . I woke up screaming . Dwight opens the door . " What the hell " He said as I clawed his eyes out . " Doll , now I thought I told you to behave your self " He says as he picks me up and slings me over his shoulder . I kick him and hit him but he doesn't budge as he packs me down the halls . " Doll , your making yourself look like an idiot if I was you I would relax " . He keeps carrying me till we reach his room . " Now What the hell happened to you ?  " he asked laughing. " He did this he put me back in that room . He didn't feed me " . I sobbed this is my fathers fault . " Your here now you saved me " I cry as I bury my head in his chest . He looked at me stunned. " What the fuck are you talking about , I put you in that cell until I could brake you " he said as I look at him he must be lieing. " No You are a hero " I shout as my nerves ticked .

" My father was hurting me and you , you were so quick to save me from him , from my demon " that's when I realize I was being a fool . That my father was all a nightmare and Negan had put me in that cell . I was becoming everything I didn't want to be . " O , I'm sorry I just went off my rockers for a second " I say pulling myself from Negans chest . Negan looked at me with pity as I frown . " Can you just not put me there please " I say as I look at my long leather boots . He gives me a friendly but stern smile . " You can stay with me for awhile maybe we can fix your little nightmare problem ." He smiles his signature smile .

We sit and talk for what felt like hours he would tell me how he rose to power and about his previous marriage to Lucille . He told me how he cheated on her how he felt guilty and ended the affair when she got sick . " So doll since I opened up which I never do , I want something in return for that , tell me about what you have hidden in the closet . " I frown " My life was basic we were poor and lived in a trailer in the put skirts of Georgia . Are family wasn't to big me , Daryl , Merl , my mom and dad . My mom was what held my family together . My mother was always a working women making sure  her children had what they needed . She got sick and past away . Well my father he went  crazy ." I paused " He got drunk a lot and he was just so angry so depressed . He took all his anger and sadness on us . He would beat me and my brothers . Daryl and Merl tried to stop him but it only made it worse . Then one night he got mad we had a dog kneel set up in the back yard  . He took me there and stripped me of my clothes. He threw me in there .  He didn't feed me and I laid in there bleeding and frozen in damp icy mud . That's when Daryl found me he took me in and got me cleaned up . Since that day I felt like I was in debt to him ." I say frowning " So your Father , wheres he  ?" he asked . I look at him frowing " I killed him " I say flatly . Negans eyes were with regret that he had brought it up.

" I'm sorry Doll I wasn't trying to hurt ya " he said frowning . " It's okay .you didn't know " I say as stare at my shoes . " Well Doll we best get some sleep don't want you angry in the mourning ." I nod as he pulls me into his chest . And I close my eyes drifting into a deep much needed sleep .