A one-shot in which Bill Cipher had no idea what his predicament was until Pine Tree put all the missing pieces together for him.
Bill woke up in the middle of the forest, a massive, throbbing headache creating a pain he's never felt before. "Damn, this hurts. It sure as hell ain't funny when you're... human?!" Bill lifted up his hand to see that he was in the only thing he despised more than boring old squares: a meat-sack. He stood up immediately, causing his unused muscles to strain and create even more pain for him to endure. "This is SO NOT FUNNY!," he cried to the sky, hoping that that insufferable prick of an amphibian would hear his pitiful, high-pitched complaints. "Is it just me, or do I have an extremely annoying, nasally, and gay voice?" Bill dismissed his own question and looked around. Soon, he realized his exact location. "Ooh~! This is just great! Maybe those insufferable Pines kids and their insufferable "grunkles" would still be alive and well enough for him to torture! Bill loves the word insufferable. It perfectly describes those boring old squares from back in his home universe... The ones he watched burn to death.
Bill tried to run in the direction of the shack, but tripped on the root of a tree almost immediately after. He hit the ground with a smack, and pain soon erupted from his jaw. He groaned and stood up slowly, holding the side of his jaw that hit the ground with the most impact. "Th-That still isn't funny...," he mumbled to himself as he made his way— slower this time— through the woods.
Bill knocked on the door that led to the gift shop part of the shack. After a few heartbeats of silence, he knocked again. This time, an annoyed teenager opened the door. "For the last time, this is a gift shop! You just walk in!" Bill tilted his head. "What? Oh! Yeah, I knew this was a gift shop. Yeah..." Bill trailed off, feeling sheepish. Once he realized he was actually feeling an emotion, he mentally stabbed his arm repeatedly with a fork. 'I'm guessing that's what the Meat-sack Deluxe Pack includes as well as even more painful pain, mortality, gravitational pull, and... magic?' Bill tried reading the teens mind. In fact, he tried so hard, he squinted until the point where he barely had his eyes open. The teen gave him a strange look. "You okay there, bud...?" Bill internally sighed. 'No powers,' he thought, 'Great.' How was he supposed to get his revenge, then? Stab Pine Tree with a spoon? Speaking of which, where is Pine Tree? He should— Bill deadpanned. This WAS Pine Tree. It must have been years since he was dropped into the woods and left to live the rest of his life as a meat-sack. He growled lowly to himself. "Hey there, Pines boy." Dipper gave him an even weirder look. "Do I know you...?" "Pine Tree, you are seriously so fucking idiotic that I'd rather be trying to reason with Time Baby during one of his temper-tantrums. I'M BILL CIPHER! WAKE UP, KID!" Dipper's pupils became small, and Bill felt as though the teen was staring into his soul. 'Well, this kid grew some backbone...' "And you're absolutely sure that you are Cipher? In such a... 'humiliating' form?" Bill growled. "Yes, Pine Tree, it's me. Now let me in so I can find Sixer and give him a good beating." Dipper's eyes suddenly turned dark, making Bill wonder how mentally disturbed this kid could have become after 5 years of his "defeat". "Ford was killed, Bill," Dipped said, his voice monotone. Bill's pupils dilated. "Really?! Oh, that's great! I don't have to deal with that stuck-up old man anymore!" As soon as he finished his verbal celebration, he noticed that Dipper was glaring at him. His grin faltered as his stupid human emotions took over. "I'm sorry, Dipper... Wait, ugh, that seriously just came out of my mouth right now?" Dipper snorted softly. "I'm guessing you got the full package then, huh? No magic or whatever, possibility of death, emotions like empathy, etcetera? Maybe that could teach you something." Bill tried to look absolutely pissed, but he ended up just looking mildly irritated. Dipper huffed out a short, soft laugh, and stepped to the side so that he wasn't blocking the entrance to the Mystery Shack gift shop. "If you need some place to stay, I'll be mildly happy to let you shelter here for the night. It's suppose to storm tonight. However, I'm only offering this because I'm extremely lonely, and even demons-turned-human could give me the company I need." Bill gave him a questioning look, but stepped inside and sneered. "This place is still in the decrepit state I remember so vividly," Bill commented, humming to himself. "Can't you do some renovations or something? I bet your sister could afford it if she sells all those crafts she makes for a living." Dipper flinched ever so lightly. "M-Mabel doesn't consider me her brother anymore after... N-Never mind. It's not like you'll have the humanity to understand how bad the things I've done are." Bill shrugged. "You're probably right, kid, but you can give it a shot. Hit me." Dipper slapped him so hard he stumbled. "Not that, you imbecile!," he shouted, holding his cheek, "Tell me what's— Oh, whatever! Just show me where I can stay and we can chat afterwards." Dipper gave him a concerned look, but led the way to Ford's room in he basement.
"This is yours for now, I guess," Dipper mumbled. Bill whistled. "Jeez, he was rather obsessed with me, was he not? Look at all this!" Dipper glared at him, but Bill had no idea why. "You wormed your way into his head and forced him to believe that you were his muse— an ally— and not the enemy that sought to reign over our dimension." Bill stared at him for a moment. "Pine Tree, how depressed are you? 'Cause these words are awfully creative and... somewhat disturbing?..." Dipper shrugged, looking exhausted. "I hones'ly dunno, he slurred, "I'm jus' tired most o'(pronounced "uh") the time..." Bill's new emotions picked up again and he found himself forcing Dipper to lie down on the carpet. He climbed on top of the brunet, laying his head on the other's chest, and closed his eyes. "... Bill?..." Bill shushed him. "Take a nap, Dipper. You need to rest your mind." Dipper opened his mouth to say something, but instead let his head drop back into the soft carpet and closed his eyes. Bill listened to the human's breathing slow into the rhythmic pace that revealed he fell asleep. Only then did he realize what he was doing. 'Stupid human emotions. They make it seems as though I've... LOVED... him... for a long time now. Wait...' Bill realized something that he wished he would never had to realize. He had liked Dipper from the beginning.
Who thinks that this was the best BillDip one-shot I've written so far? I think it is.
