Spoken Words

My Depression in writing

I have no self confidence,
Yet I have a massive ego.
I want to turn my life around,
Yet I want to die.
I want people to think I have no weaknesses,
Yet all I want to do is cry.
I want to be the best at everything,
But I don't want to try.
I want to stop hurting myself,
But that's all I seem to do.
I don't want people to see my scars,
Yet I want them to know that I'm scared.

When I wake up, I want to be happy,
But I don't want to wake up anymore.

Some days, I feel everything all at once, other days, I feel nothing at all.

I don't know what's worse:
Drowning benth the waves, or dying from the thrist.

It would be too easy to say I feel invisible. Instead I feel painfully visable and entirely ignored.

I'm trying to keep myself together, to keep myself sane through all of this, but there are moments were I am losing my mind.

I miss me, The old me, the happy me, the bright me, the smiling me, the laughing me... the gone me.

I'm completely terrified that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life.

To some, depression is just something in your head, when it's more then that... more of a chemical imbalance.. When it's 4am, your sleeping... I'm crying. I just want to sleep until I feel better.

I have never felt more confused with live, with myself, with anything, it's like I'm on a battlefield but the only thing I can fight is myself.

If your dealing with the same thing.. I'm proud that you're still here.

When your depressed you don't just lose your happiness, you lose yourself. Pretending to be happy when your in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person...