honeyboy ❁

#1

#1
i just turned 17, and i still havent found my mate.
i'm not surprised if i wouldn't have one, to be honest.
though i really wanted it to be namjoon, i cant help but snicker at myself right now. namjoon? my mate? i would never be that lucky. i am least deserving of his sweetness. yet he still talks to me and we're still friends. anyway, if i was his mate he would've acted pretty weird around me, since i've heard you get strong and strange urges around your mate, and namjoon is 19 years old.
i truly love him with all my heart, and he will never know.
anyway, i don't think i want to find my mate because i know all i'll ever do is hurt them and push them away, and i'd rather keep away from all the negativity as much as i can bear. anyway, this is it for now since i feel extra numb and emotionless today, maybe when i truly feel pity and sorrow for myself i'll come back and write some more. either way, my life has gone to waste and always will.

  i put away my notebook and look up and around, wondering what i should do next. its the summer holidays and i have pretty much nothing to do, so i can pick. i choose to use my phone to go through my instagram, where i find some new comments on my latest posted picture showing me when i dolled up for new years eve.
the caption of the picture had been 'once i sign a modeling contract with Victoria's Secret its over for all you bitches, trust me'
i know, its a weird caption for someone who thinks so lowly of themselves. but honestly, maybe pretending to have a high self esteem might help me in actually getting one.
i noticed someone i didn't really talk to commented something,
" hyungieboy i signed a modeling contract with van darkholme and billy herrington "
hmm. i can't help but feel a little annoyed. if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it, maybe?
i replied to him,
" yeonrakim @hyungieboy who tf is that "
i checked his page, and i wasn't  surprised to see he never posted any pictures of himself, just random photos with random captions. some of them were funny though, and i couldn't help but laugh at them.
a few minutes later he replied,
" hyungieboy DONT GOOGLE THEM
hyungieboy also why did you unfollow me nerd "

don't google them? sure thing, i won't. his second comment bothered me though. i remember seeing him in my notifications a long time ago but i never said much and we never talked, but i got a strange feeling of familiarity behind his words, like i was talking to someone whose name and face i forgot but i knew how they behaved. how did he know i was a nerd? or was it just a shot in the dark? why did i unfollow him? his page seems fine. i probably did it because my following number looked embarassingly high. i replied,
" yeonrakim @hyungieboy 1) i unfollowed yo ass bc ur content is ShiT bOi and 2) how DAre yOu caLL me a nErD
yeonrakim @hyungieboy u rite boi i'll go google them "

a while later he replied again,
" hyungieboy YOU CALL MY CONTENT TRASH ?! I ATE A FUCKIN TIDE POD FOR PEOPLE TO BE HAPPY "

i smirked and wrote,
" yeonrakim maybe try bleach next:) "

thats got to hurt.
i googled the two names he mentioned, and to be honest both of then were buff and hot asf but they werent exactly my type. the second one, though, billy herrington, caught my attention with a picture of him in nothing but mere speedos. i immediately saved the picture and dmed 'hyungieboy'

me: MY HOLY EYES WHAT THE FRICK
[picture attached]
and why does that darklholme
idk what his name is
look like he banged my mom

hyungieboy: HAHAHA
HES A GAY PORN ACTOR ABDKDK

me: my first thought when i saw him was 'he looks gay' but i didnt want to be mean

hyungieboy: HAHAHAH
LOOK HIM UP ON YOUTUBE
LIKE
'pump it'
THERES SO MANY MEMES