honeyboy ❁

#2

#2
something odd happened the last time namjoon came over.
he came over the day after we'd gone to the amusement park, which had been really fun. that day, yesterday, seokjinnie was home and neither of them knew the other would be there. namjoon arrived and rang the doorbell, which i ran to open. as soon as i did, i saw him look up at me dramatically, and even though his eyes are colored a dark brown i still saw his pupils dilate dramatically when he looked up and made eye contact with me. i immediately felt flustered, since i've heard that happens when you look at someone whom you are attracted to. then, he said in a breathy, deep voice, "is someone inside your house, yoonra?"
i blush and nod.
namjoon looked surprised. his bright little eyes widened and he asked who it was eagerly.
"someone," i replied cheekily, letting him step in.
the thing is, seokjin and namjoon, even though i've known both since almost forever, never met each other, even once, since some time before namjoon entered my life, seokjin left daegu to get a job in ilsan. hence, they never had the chance to meet. so yesterday they finally met, after hearing so much about each other.
seokjin was eating at the breakfast table and his head jerked up so fast i thought he felt a fly on his neck, but he only silently locked eyes with namjoon.
"hello," started namjoon.
"h-hi," jin stuttered back.
i've never seen any if them like this. what's going on?
namjoon steps forward suddenly and extends his hand to jin.
"i'm namjoon. your sister told me a lot about you,"
jin extends his hand, hesitantly making eye contact, "i'm jin. yoonie's told me a lot about you,"
"did she tell you i think you're much cuter in person?" namjoon said, not letting go of jin's hand.
what the hell?
JIN BLUSHED. MY OLDER BROTHER BLUSHED BECAUSE OF THE LOVE OF MY LIFE FLIRTING WITH HIM.
how miserable can i get?
namjoon ignored my presence that morning, he was so immersed and obsessed and mesmerized with jin. i've never seen any of them act like this before. when jin decided namjoon was too much for him to handle, he took a bathroom break. as soon as my older brother left, namjoon pulled me to the side.
"yoonra, come with me, i have something to tell you,"
he dragged me to the other end of the living room so in case jin comes back he wouldn't hear.
"i've had... feelings for you,"
i look up, my heart rate increasing. what?
"i came here to confess to you and ask you to be mine," he continued.
what
is going
on?
this can't be happening.
"but i can't do that now. because..."
...jin is your mate.
"i think jin is my mate, yoonra,"
everything makes sense now. how when i opened the door he smelled his mate, and his pupils dilated due to that, how he asked if someone was in my house because this new alluring scent is surely not mine. how sometimes when i wore seokjin's clothes his hugs came my way more often, how because they never saw each other in real life they never realized until now they were mates.
great.
my crush. the man i love with all my heart. the man i've been yearning for, who my heart flutters for, the one who made me believe in true love and made me want to see tomorrow  

the boy with a chunk of my heart.

on the other hand, my loving, reliable brother. my mature, caring seokjin oppa. who was always sure of himself. who never wavered. never weakened.
i have to see these two become each other's.

too heartsick to cry, i put away my notebook again. i really don't know what to do with myself at this point, i'm too numb. i'm about to get up, get my hoodie, go for a walk and shut the world out when my phone buzzes.

hyungieboy: hi
hi
hi
hi

me: what

hyungieboy: i need attention:(

cute.

me: hm
leave me alone.

hyungieboy: why are you sad?

he knows i'm sad?

me: i'm not
please leave me alone

hyungieboy: i can tell your mood with a single text
now
what's bothering you?
i'm a safe. no one will get anything out of me.

i decide to tell him. it's a big world anyway. i'll get lost in it.

me: just promise me
you won't tell anyone
especially not him.

hyungieboy: i swear i won't

me: it's namjoon

hyungieboy: what did that fucker do

me: he
i loved him
i love him
for so long
we were best friends
and i've loved him ever since
yesterday
he came to my house when my older brother was over
seokjin
they

hyungieboy: they what?

me: they found out they were mates.

i feel a surge of happiness, completely unexplained, out of nowhere. i'm supposed to be crying, why do i feel elated? what's happening to me?

hyungieboy: you shouldn't cry over him.
i don't think he was worth it.

me: wdym?

hyungieboy: he liked you

me: so?
doesn't that make it even more worth it? i don't get it

hyungieboy: i mean
not the true 'like' like
the schoolgirl crush kind
kept talking about you and all
your relationship would've lasted what? five months?
then you'd find him losing interest or something

me: oh

i feel something break in me. namjoon and i wouldn't have lasted anyway. it just shows how i wish for unattainable things. i will never be who i want to be. i will never love myself. i begin to fall weak, slumping against the wall and sinking down, crying my eyes out.

hyungieboy: don't cry

me: how do you know i'm even crying

hyungieboy: i don't know
just please don't

me: why do you even text me
i'm not worth anything
my crush prefers my brother over me.

hyungieboy: namjoon didn't choose his mate
and stop making yourself feel like this
it will only leave you more unable to climb out of this ditch
i know how you feel
please stop crying
i didn't come here to feel sad

me: well? what am i supposed to do?
i have no life worth living
why am i so miserable
please
promise me
the day we meet
will be the last day
of my life