The Weird Insights of a Scobberlotcher

Forty-seven Sounds Green Going Black

<Where r u?>

<Livingroom. Reading. Supper ready?>

<Soon. Let u know>

Alice appended smiley face and cocktail glass emojis. Oh well, no-one's perfect. Besides, it was her turn to cook so she was temporarily immune to criticism. Went back to reading the local online rag with the huge headline - PIN BOYZ STRIKE OUT IN BIG BOWLING ALLEY RAID. The story was already several days old but I like my news that way. Takes the edge off. Zoomed in on the shot of the entrance to Uptown Alleys. Just to be sure. There was a string of young men in the familiar logoed shirts being led out through a police cordon. But nobody was wearing the kid's face that I could make out. Hopefully he was somewhere safe keeping an eye on his ass. 

Shit'd already hit the fan at city hall. Three councilors from Morrison's old party had stepped aside. Professing perfect innocence, of course. Right up there with "want to spend more time with the family." Two more, along with the interim mayor, were "shocked, shocked, I tell you." Doubtless exactly what they'd also told their blank faced lawyers. Fecal matter was all over the walls at city hall. Managers were scuttling to get clear of it while underlings busied themselves with buckets and mops. And the smell was spreading fast. Projects were on hold indefinitely. CEOs and board directors were taking unexpected holidays overseas. Rumor had it even one or two members of parliament were giving thanks that it wasn't yet sitting duck season. Although there was loose talk of an emergency recall. A lot of people out there now had lights of their own burning on their hinies. All told, a pretty major a production for such a silly little small town.

My cell buzzed. Checked I.D. It was the local detachment. Guess who! Thought about not answering at first but I had to admit, I was intrigued. A direct line to the guy at the center of the story. So, what the hell, I answered. In mock anger.

"Hey, how'd you get this number, officer?"

He didn't get it.

"Uh, look, look, I'm sorry,' he said apologetically, "I just wanted to talk to you. D'ya mind?"

How could I object to that coarse, cool voice wafting through my brain?

"Not at all. I was just kidding. In fact, I was just reading about the big raid and arrests and wondering how things were going there. You've been a busy boy. Seen ya a couplea times on the news already."

"My God, it's just been chaos. Documents are piling up everywhere like a blizzard. Press is camped outside every day. And you shoulda seen it this morning when the Boyz were arraigned downtown. Wall to wall cameras and mics. Ya had to fight your way into the courthouse."

"I know, I saw. So, how does it feel being the man who shook the local establishment? You a hero with your superiors now?"

"Well, there's been some handshaking and backslapping but, to be honest, some of the people here and back in Ottawa seem a little nervous. I mean, nobody has ever seen municipal corruption like this before and it's almost like some of them wish it would all just go away. Get back to business as usual."

"Ya, fucken' cops, eh? To surf and neglect."

He laughed. Completely sincere and, apart from a few squiggly tones of discomfort squirming under the hoarseness, totally clear.

"I realize you're not one of our biggest fans. Ya know, I'd really like to hear about it sometime. Maybe we can get together and talk somewhere."

Suddenly the fog was back. But not the usual slow moving, pleasantly abrasive field. A curtain this time. Maybe an inch thick. It hovered, quivered and jiggled like Jello and had little black lines through it. He was hiding something. I could guess what.

"Bullshit. You already know all about it. You been checking up on me, haven't you, inspector? You probably even know what I ate for breakfast this morning."

"You didn't have breakfast this morning. Just coffee."

Bang on. I had to laugh.

"Just screwin' with ya," he said, "it was just a guess. You struck me as the kind of guy who eats late. Look, if it's any consolation, you could probably get me fired for looking through the old records we have on your case. Anyway, listen, I don't know how you got the kid to talk but it looks like I owe you another debt of gratitude. I'd like to repay it in some small way. You ever drink anything stronger than coffee?"

I hesitated for a minute. There was that weird 'bond' thing occupying the air in front of me again. Is that how all relationships start? Complicity? What the hell! Didn't get to where I am today asking too many questions.

"You kidding?" I said, "I have an Uber Booze app on my cell and the local liquor store on speed dial. Why do you ask?"

"I'd like to buy you a beer."

"A beer? I wouldn't let my late mother get away with buying me 'a' beer. The local constabulary better come with unlimited credit and a lot of patience. And I want a ride home after."

Buzz. Buzz. Text alert.

<Sups ready hon>

"And, I want it in a police car."

<O.K. B right there>

"With the lights flashing. No sirens. Just lights."