Night Walkers [Editing]

Breakdown

Jason McCann

My feet dangled over the edge of the cliff as I looked out into the water of the lake, I lifted my already second cigarette up to my mouth and took in a drag of smoke holding it in my mouth for a little while before I tilted my head back and let it out in small rings then big ones looking up at the stars as I did and closing my eyes for a brief second. 

It was warm out for the night time, but had just the right amount of breeze to keep you cool. 

I let my eyes trail over the reflection of the moon in the lake and watched as the water ripple silently making the reflection look wavy, taking another drag of my cigarette, I held it in my mouth for as long as I could without choking on it.

I came out here because I couldn't sleep, I felt too annoyed about that fucker from earlier and I found a packet of cigarettes in my bag that I completely forgot about so I just came out here to try and find some piece of mind and so far it was working. 

Justin was sound asleep in the tent cuddled up to a pillow that I replaced from my body because I had a hard time getting Justin to let go of me even if he was asleep, he looked cute. 

I don't deserve Justin, he is so humble and down to earth, he has a heart of gold and I have a heart of stone, but not when it comes to him. 

I truly do love him and he is the first that I have ever loved in this way and I'm surprised at how fast that we did fall for each other, but I honestly don't understand what he sees in me. 

Alfredo was right, I am a monster and Justin does need protecting from me.

Yes I wouldn't intentionally hurt him, but what if I have a episode and black out not knowing what I'm doing and end up hurting him? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened, he means everything to me. 

When I first saw him I was shocked that I just randomly jumped over Justin Bieber's fence to get away from walkers, but when I got over that and really looked at him and listened to his voice, I just knew there was something about him that I had to have.  

At first I was only planning on teasing him and having a little fun with him like I did that day when I kept trapping him and giving him hickeys and stuff, but doing that and talking to him made me fall for him and fast. 

Fredo's words ran through my head, 'He's a criminal.'

'He's a murderer' 

'I'm trying to protect you from him' 

'A monster' 

'A weirdo' 

They ran through my head like a broken record as I lit up another cigarette throwing the other one beside me, I have heard those words so many times from different people, but now its actually starting to bother me and I have no idea why.

Maybe it's because I need to come to terms that all those statements are true?

I have done so much bad in my short life and now that I'm looking at it, I wish that I had never gotten into that life in the first place, but I had no choice because if I did I don't think I would have chosen that path.

What is done is done and I cant change al the things that I have committed now, but if I could I would do it in a heart beat. 

I wonder if they all think the same things that he said?

Do they all think that I would hurt Justin?

Do they all think that I'm weird and crazy?  

I took another drag of my cigarette blowing the smoke out absentmindedly and used my free hand to run a hand threw my messy locks, "I'm a monster." I whispered to myself smoke still escaping my parted lips.