Voices in the Crease | A Yoonseok Story

Chapter Four

The boy's fist was curled on his lap. He sat with his head down and shoulders shrugged high. He clenched his jaw tightly, holding back his tears and sobs desperately. He tried to block out the words, squeezing his eyes and pressing his lips together. But it didn't work. Every single work stuck with him, and it hurt. His cries caught in his throat as he just hung his head low under the weight of his parent's disappointment, wondering whether what he did was truly wrong or not.

His parent's words circulated him, making him feel vulnerable and miserable. He could feel his mind plummeting into a mental spiral of darkness with indistinguishable voices echoing through his thoughts and all he could think of was curling into a dark corner of his room and screaming and sobbing his pain away. Soon all the sounds became a painful blur and he couldn't hear them anymore.

A sob caught in his throat and he swallowed it. He didn't need to hear them to know what they are saying to him. He was used to his parents talking to him like this, but he hated it.

He hated that whenever he looked at his brother he saw a better child. A child his parents would love to have- unlike him. His brother was a son his parents could be proud of and how much ever he wished his parents were proud of him he knew no matter how hard he tried he couldn't be good enough. He knew it well enough- since no matter how much he tried, it would end in his failure and their disappointment.

He didn't know what he was made for and though his parents tried to guide him- it felt more like they were digging a new path for him where he didn't belong.

It was what they imagined him to be- someone he wasn't.

And he never felt more lost in his life. Never felt more empty. He didn't know where he was because everyone around him shaped him to their own needs.

His parents fell silent, but the weight in the air didn't diminish.

"Go to your room."

He parted his lips and let out a soft sigh at the statement. Partly with relief, partly with exhaustion. He stood up slowly, feeling his parents' glare on him as he walked away with his gaze on the floor. He locked himself inside, sitting at the foot of his bed and trying to calm his mind.

But it got worse and he couldn't get the faces of utter disappointment out of his mind as he pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed.

He didn't know whether what he did was right or not, but he knew it was what he wanted and what he was going to do. He didn't want his parents to stop him now. But neither did he want this- he didn't want them to hate him for it. All he wanted to do was to make them proud but he knew only one way to do it. He felt his sobs getting louder but he didn't care anymore- all the frustration from all the events that took place in the past two days is pouring out of him.

Every idea that came into his head seemed like a good idea- any idea that got him away from his life right then. Anything. Although he knew whatever he did would be something he would regret, the blood pumping through him furiously made him make a decision hastily and he was convinced that there was only one way.

He rubbed his eyes off the tears and stood up. He dug through his closet, grabbing anything he found important and shoving it into a bag.

There was only one way he could do this- leaving. Leaving right there and then. He knew what he did took his parents by surprise- shock, even. They did not expect their brilliant son to get selected for an art institute far from home- since they were sure he had given up on such nonsense years back. Which he, in fact, didn't.

He opened the drawer beside his bed, removing all the textbooks and pulling out an old folder from underneath.

He removed the strap holding it together, nervously going through each work he did for the past few years. Every work he promised to forget for the sake of his parents and bury under the weight of a lie he created for himself. But the truth dug its way out on its own. For years he strayed- never looking for something that would make him happy. He always thought that others' happiness meant his happiness. But he soon realised that it wasn't the same.

He wasn't making others happy to keep himself happy- he was abandoning himself to please others and it left him confused as he didn't know what he was anymore and what he wanted.

But it was soon to change. His mind was clear and he knew exactly what he needed- even if that meant his parents will hate him forever and he would never meet them again.

He wasn't bothered by that.

He didn't want to think about it.

He grabbed his wallet, hoping to have enough money for a train ticket- and stormed out of the room. Nothing was making him stay back now- because he couldn't give up on something he had come so far on.

He walked past his parents, who were seated at the dining table.

His mother was reading a book while his father sat with his laptop. The only sound in the room was the clicking of keys as his father typed. He took a long glance at them, before unlocking the door.

"Where are you going?"

He froze at the spot, turning to see his parents standing up.

"I'm leaving," He replied- his voice sounded more confident than what he felt.

"For what? To go to that stupid art institute? Listen to me, Hoseok- just focus on your studies. All these things are distracting you. No wonder you're failing school."

"I worked hard for this entrance. I need to go."

"You worked hard?! Just shut up- have you seen your brother? Look at the dedication he has in his studies. You're only focused in other nonsense. How are you going to grow like this?! You've never put real hard work into anything!" His father cried in frustration.

Hoseok gave him a hard stare. He realised there was no point in arguing. Whether his father was right or not would be clear in time. He tore his gaze away from his parents and set foot outside the house.

"If you leave today, don't come back. "

Hoseok's heart raced. He couldn't look back at it now. He spent years secretly preparing for this and he knew he was ready. He repeated his father's words mentally several times before he made a final decision.

If he does this, he won't be going back.

He straightened himself and walked away from his house- not once glancing back.