Catharsis

D

"I've been demolishing your bullshit for ages,

this time I'm breaking it, our friendship, your smile.
See you in the city while you are faking it."

(Friends and Traitors- Raised First)

We've been friends for so many years, I was your anchor and you were mine.

I've dealt with all the judgement you showed towards people for ages,

tryingto make you understand that you couldn't be like that with people you barely knew.

I was a fool to think you needed that, all you needed was someone who constantly agreed with you even if they didn't.

You didn't let people close to you only because they weren't as you wished they were (luckily, may I add).

You had me giving you what you wanted, hiding my real self to feel appreciated or respected.

I let you control me, suffocating my interests because you thought they were dumb.

I helped you showing my worst side, the superficial, cruel, judgemental side that never belonged to me before meeting you.

I was done with all the fake smiles and your fake side you showed everyone, even me;

I was done with all the times I repressed my thoughts and my insecurities whenever I was with you, because you always had something about yourself you needed to say, making me feel smaller and more inferior than you;

I was done with my fake side. I had never been like this, I never wanted to be like this, but I let you do that to me anyway.

I did so many wrong things that I didn't know where to start from to make them better.

Or that was what I thought...

You had me wrapped around your finger

I was tied up to you with a wire, but I was the first to cut it before you did.

It hurts, doesn't it?

I showed you I wasn't the way you "made me".

I was better than you, I've always been and you knew that.

You knew that so well that your so-called friends (or pets) blocked me out of your group because I went against their owner; You blocked me out of your group because I went against you.

When we were fifteen, you were the one to say: "Do you really think I'd let my hypothetical boyfriend separate me from my friends?"

Time passed and we got older, you got a boyfriend and you let your puppies without the person they worshipped.

Funny thing, isn't it?

The last thing you told me, almost a year ago was "Friends like you are better lost than found!"

I don't really think so. I may suck at finding good friends, I admit it, but at least the one I found appreciate me the way that I am.

"You won't find another person ready to be your anchor as I was!" ..Good.

I can be the less confident person alive, I can have a lot or flaws (who doesn't in the end?!),

I can change my mood very quickly, I know but...

...What did I say at the beginning? I was your anchor and you were mine?

Damn was I wrong...

I don't need anyone to be my anchor: friends, boyfriend (when and if I'll have one),

They can just be that...

... I am my own anchor