Forever Never Last

Chapter 6

Update! (062214)

This chapter was really short so I made it longer. *teeheehee* I don't know what came up to me and decided to post a chapter that wasn't really long and umm.. chapter-worthee ..? So yeah. :)

No one has ever called me dramatic before. Heck, not even a bitch! How could he say that? I thought we were friends, but I guess I was wrong.

Or maybe that's what he wanted me to think. That we were friends so when the time comes, he would just get the one thing I have that I could never get back. For other girls, it is not a big deal as long as they love the guy --they love each other--, they would give it with no hesitation because that is what's important. Love.

But it's a huge boundary for me even if I love the guy to the moon and back --as cheesy as that sounds-- I would never give it. Call me a nun all you want but I would only give it to the guy I'm going to marry.

I believe that even without any sexual interactions (except for hugging, kissing, etc.), any relationships would last and would stay strong as long as they love each other and they have this one important thing: Trust. And they will be worth the wait.

Don't judge. We all have our own beliefs.

Whenever he's around, I automatically put this imaginary wall between us and that's why maybe I'm always acting like a bitch towards him --and maybe I did deserve to be called that-- because if I let my guard down even once, I know I would fall and end up getting hurt.

I know when getting into a relationship, hurt would never be absent and that thought scares me. I'm a coward. Yes. Why? Because I don't know anything about love and relationships, there's no guidebook that would lead you to no harm in love.

Jay is the kind of guy that every girl would easily fall for and the kind of guy who would hurt them in just a snap of his fingers. I don't want that so I have to push him away but every time he's around, this wall I've been building slowly starts to crumble which means I'm not trying hard enough.

But being called dramatic triggered something in me. My mom calls me that. We're not in good terms per see and that hurts even more. The one person that should always be there for me, the one that who should love and care for me is the reason why I don't get myself involved in such a way that I would give my all. Because I know how painful it is. I know how hard it is to cry silently at night wishing that my mother and I have a relationship where I could tell her all my secrets, a relationship where I could treat her not only my mother but a sister and a best friend as well.

Suddenly, I wasn't crying because of what Jay had said but because of my mother. What happened to her? She wasn't like that before.

I continued sobbing until breathing wasn't easy anymore and I just sat there. Under the tree, looking far of the distance while the sun is setting. Between the time when God's creation took its finest.

°°°

It was already dark when I finally managed to composed myself. I stood up from where I sat and dusted myself off.

And I decided I would go apologize to Jay. It wasn't even his fault and I always snap at him. I only realized now that he's making efforts to be close to me but I always push him away because I was too blind to see it. Looking back now, I haven't seen him around different girls every week since the seven of us started to hang out very often. Maybe he's starting to change, maybe his playboy days has come to an end.

And I have to change too. I should give us a chance to be close friends, playboy or not.

When I see him tomorrow at school, first things first and I would say sorry to him.

Or, maybe not.

"Jay?" I called out. He lifted his head from his crouching position and looks everywhere until his eyes found mine. He smiled.

"Wh--What are you doing here?" God, his eyes are so mesmerizing that made me stutter. I cleared my throat.

"Arn, look. I'm so sorry for--" He took a step towards me and I hold my hand up to stop him.

"No." His eyes widened. "I'm the one who should apologize."

"What? No, I--" He took a couple more steps but I hold my hand up again to stop him.

"Just please let me finish." He nodded. I bit my lip. How should I say this? I'm not really good at explaining things, not even myself!

"I'm the one who should apologize for being such a bitch to you." He opened his mouth to protest. "Don't say you didn't mean it earlier because I know you didn't really mean it but I just realized this now that I am in fact a bitch to you. And I'm sorry. You didn't even deserved it, it's just.. my thoughts got the best of me and reacted before I act. Then I took out all of my frustations at you which is stupid. I shouldn't have done that." I exhaled loudly, realizing I've been holding my breath.

"Are you done now?" He cocked his head to the side and smiled at me.

"Well--" I wasn't halfway through done talking when he suddenly pulled me into his arms. I know this sounds very cliché and cheesy but it felt perfect.

"Am I forgiven?"

I felt him chuckle. "You didn't do anything that should be forgiven."

I smiled and breathed heavily. His scent is intoxicating and I only notice this now.